There is so much to say, and i have honestly got out of the habit of typing and such. I have leaning on friends more so, which is good but there still is that filter that i so desperately want to get rid f and throw away. I guess ill divide up my life into sections.
Home: Well ive been sick on and off and thats just great, Every time i get better and start making progress to making the house cleaner and better i get sick. Its like 2 steps forward and three back..geesh. Loving the warmer weather but dreading the impending hot as fuck weather.
Kids: Are doing great. Sterling is so vocal and smily and grumpy, so i mean expressive. Which might sound odd. My oldest son, Myles, however is not. He is 3 and just getting to the point where he wants to communicate. Me and him have always had such a hard time communicating with each other. He was never a really happy baby but not sad either just very much there.
Work: That is going well. Moved to a new store where no fucks are given as long as the work gets done
Me: I am so full of emotions that i dont know. Lonely is one. My casual fling has a gf now. I am mixed about that cause i dont want to date but the sex is awesome and i dont want that to stop but i want more of a connection with someone. Dating is not going well. Flakes and needy guys Im sort of at a loss at how to change my situation. The gym is about the only thing i really look forward to going. And its not even about looking at hot guys. I get in my head and i get out of it at the same time. I am focus on one thing, improving myself. To look like i feel. I think all this reading that i have been doing is bad for me. I say that cause makes me think more about myself and i relate more and makes me long for things im not going to have. I should just be happy as a single parent. Not that i dont love and enjoy my kids but i am not going to find this wonderful person and wonderful step father for my kids. So i should just keep my focus on fixing my house taking care of my babies and paying the bills, eating better, exercising etc.
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