Change of Dreams... in Dreams

  • Feb. 12, 2021, 10:31 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

I’m watching StarTrek: Enterprise, and it was on the scene where Archer dreams that the Xindi Reptilians have found him on the mountain on Earth, and throw him off, and I realised something with my dreams has changed. Yeah, I know. Funny what makes me think of things.

I used to have dreams that were a little more fictional. I used to fall from high places and still wake up, although those usually weren’t good dreams, and I’d wake up with my heart racing, sometimes sweating, and usually panicked. I used to sleep with cover over my eyes, and earplugs, so I was less likely to be woke up too early. This was when I worked various shifts, and had hell sleeping during the day. Because of that, when I woke from one dream where I’d been shot and died, I thought I had actually died.

I also used to have dreams of flying. Most of the time, it was an at will thing, except some times I couldn’t land. Usually, I could start running, jump three times, and on the third jump, I’d take off. My flying was somewhere between bird-like, and plane-like. I did some body movements to direct my flight, but most of it was thought controlled. I never flew fast, just about double the speed I ran. But I always enjoyed those. It was a very nice break from reality, to be able to do something that I knew wasn’t actually possible. I flew over various places I recognized in my dreams, but had never seen in reality, and I flew over my home town, my neighborhood, the nearby beach and lakes, and once into space. Kinda did the Superman thing.

While I’m fine with not having any more falling dreams, I do miss the flying dreams. I’m not sure when they stopped, but I know I’ve not had one in a very long time. I remember having them with I was with JP, I remember having them when I was engaged to KB, I remember having them when I was living with BM, but I can’t remember any after she and I broke up. I’m not sure why it changed after she and I broke up. Did she break me? Is it because of a.... “change of endorphin levels”? Bluntly, did I lose the flying dreams when I stopped having sex frequently?

Okay, yeah, I’d love to get laid right now, but I think I’d be better off having the flying dreams. I miss those dreams. I liked flying. I think that’s why I get such an enjoyment of of flying, but despise commercial flying. It was freeing. I always knew it wasn’t real, and it was far less likely to actually be possible, but I was always able to overlook that aspect, and just enjoy the flight.

I can’t help but wonder if the fact that I’ve stopped having flying dreams has anything to do with my state of mind. I can’t blame the meds, because I stopped having those dreams before I got back on meds, and I was still having them when I was on meds before, as I’m on the same thing I was on then. I’m shocked I’m only realizing this now, but now that I realize it, it bothers me. I wish I knew how to get those dreams back. Especially now. I could really use that kind of break from reality.

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