7-1988 in The 80s

7/10/1988 Sun. 1:22 AM

I realize I haven’t written in quite a long time. Been lazy I guess, and I’ve got to get with it again.

I hate this sticky heat and I can’t wait for summer to end and winter to return once again.

School’s still ok, although I was on a leave of absence for a week until this next coming Monday. My allergies were bad and I was having anxiety attacks and some depression. I’m doing better.

I don’t think I ever wrote about writing to Stavros, a deaf agency on State St., requesting a deaf roommate. I had gone down there a little over a week ago and had an interview with Mark Dore, who’s also deaf.

Friday, I got a call about a 41-year-old woman named Cecelia who just may be interested. She’s coming over today at 2pm.

Via TTY, Cecelia asked me questions about the people around here, the apartment, me. She told me she may be a little shy at first, but she’s a very friendly person. She has a car and has worked at Digital in West Springfield for 12 years.

I’m looking forward to seeing her today. I told her that my receptive skills might be a little shaky due to lack of experience, but assured her she’d understand me very well.

Nervous was finally evicted after owing 3 months of rent. He’s living at the Y now.

I can’t wait to start school again. It’ll do me good, and I’m determined to make it through.

I got a new therapist, Debbie, out of the O clinic in Agawam because they do home visits. She’s very nice. Very understanding too, and also gay. She’s not overly attractive but she’s not ugly either, and she’s the type of person I’ve always wanted. At first, I thought she may have been interested in me, but I really don’t think so.

I met this guy named Al Loomer a few weeks ago. I’ve gone to bed with him but didn’t enjoy it. I want a woman, not a male! And Al isn’t quite my type. Why do I feel the need to settle? Because I don’t believe I could ever have what I want?

I discussed Al with Sue and mom. Mom was pissed cuz she’s afraid for me after what happened with Ron. This is understandable, but I also don’t want to be alone forever either.

7/25/1988 Mon. 10 AM

I’m in school now, wishing it were 3:30 so I could end this very boring day. But guess what? I graduate Thursday!

I meet with Debbie at 4:00 today, then later on around 6:00, mom and dad are taking me out to dinner. I hope that goes well but isn’t that a little too much to ask for?

I found out from my sister that mom miscarried a baby before I was born. Why wasn’t I ever told about this? It pisses me off to think this was kept a secret all these years.

I wish I knew for sure whether or not Debbie will ever approach me for a relationship. I wish she would cuz she’d be perfect for me. I won’t dare say anything, though. I’ll keep my mouth shut. Maybe she’s waiting for the right moment, till I feel better about myself and learn to trust her.

Sometimes I can swear she’s giving me hints by the way she looks at me and talks to me and the things she says. Or maybe I’m wrong about her. I’d take someone like her over Al any day, but I think I’m hoping for the impossible. After all, she is my therapist.

Why am I always living on dreams?

12:20 PM

I’m on my lunch break, just thinking how boring it’s gonna be till I graduate. I wish it were 3:30. Enough is enough already. I could never stand the 8 months for the hairdressing course. Most of the girls are snobs, too.

I’m still confused between Al and whatever my therapist may have in mind. I doubt she’ll ever get serious about me, though. She probably sees me as inferior.

6:45 PM

Mom and dad are on their way over to take the pictures of me that I need for the state board’s files. She’s bringing some clothes and my graduation present, she said. I didn’t expect that, or so soon either. They’re also bringing me some Chinese food.

Dad’s got to hear that song They’re Coming to Take Me Away. It’s hilarious. He’s never seen Sasha either. I hope to spend some time alone with him. We have fun together. I miss singing for him, too.