5-1988 in The 80s

5/6/1988 Fri. 12:16 PM

Last Saturday went great. Nissan and I got to know each other a lot better. Kevin was impressed although I saw her Tuesday and it was the pits. I fucked up bad and discovered she’d really never want me. I wrote a list of 30 encouraging hints Nissan gave me in which I thought were signs of her being interested in me and I showed them to her like a fool. Guess what? She stole them! Must’ve been when I went to the back of the bus. And come to find out all those things weren’t true. It wasn’t until after I got off the bus that I realized she took them. I had asked her if she was going to tell her girlfriend Julie and she said no, but why else would she take them? Obviously to show Julie. She hates me. I know it and I’m petrified about getting on the bus tomorrow. She probably won’t even let me on! And if she does, what if Julie’s there? What if she lies or denies it? She could never want me yet Emily, Nellie and Philip said maybe she took them for herself because she was flattered or so I wouldn’t tell Julie. No way! She wouldn’t take them for her own reading pleasures. I never stood a chance with her and I never will. Even she told me, “I’m spoken for and I’m used to people liking me.” I’m afraid to get on the bus tomorrow, but if I do, I will confront her and ask her what’s going on.

5/9/1988 Mon. 12:10 PM

I am here on my lunch break with some very interesting news. First of all, Nissan proved to be the jerk I began to suspect she was and she is history.

Last Friday in school I accidentally ended up singing and they loved it and there was this new girl Elliot who said she knew this guy who had a band and knows the business really well. I had my doubts as I’ve heard this before but she called me and I spoke to the guy. His name is Jimmy. Of course, I told him up front I’m gay and I don’t get along with males and he said he doesn’t mix business with pleasure. Who knows for sure? They all say that. I just don’t want to be with males or travel with them but this guy sounds as serious as I am and like he knows what he’s talking about but I’ve learned never trust or listen to a male. Especially a black one. I’ll have to see for myself but I’m sure if I sing with this band, either he or someone in the band will try to hit me for sex. I’ll kill them. No way am I gonna get into a situation I can’t get out of. It scares me to have to put my trust in someone. If this follows the usual pattern in my life, then he’ll prove to be a crock and I’ll know something’s punishing me. But this really sounds positive. He and Ellie are supposed to come to my place today or tomorrow.

5/21/1988 Sat. 4:30 PM

I’ve come to have quite a crush on singer Gloria Estefan.

I got my hair extensions. It looks good so long as I style it to hide where my own hair is. It cost $140. Ma hung up the phone on me when I told her.

Claire and Sue, the girls who did my hair extensions, said if I want another row to thicken it up, it would cost $200, so I’m avoiding that by doing all kinds of braids and tails with it. Love it so far.

I quit LB cuz I got so sick of it. I don’t know if my heart was really truly ever in it. Mom and I are gonna check into getting me back into school for just the manicuring, rather than the whole hairdressing course since they fucked up my financial aid application anyway.

Sasha has been limping quite badly the last two days and ma said to ask Nervous if he’d take me to the vet with her, but I’ve had enough of that jackasshole.