Its been a really long time since I wrote on here. I haven't been writing anywhere else and I seem to be stuck at some stagnant point in my life with certain things. isn't that how everything goes though for everyone at some point though? I don't feel like its just me or anything, just the flow of life.
The boys dad and I had a huge fight on Friday night, we were talking and I said something like we have a while before I go into menopause so we can still have more kids when he gets home and he was like if you don't stop talking about this maybe I will just see you when I get home and I was like "wtf?" and then he goes I would rather chop my dick off then have more kids with you." Seriously, I was stunned for a few seconds and then I hung up on him. He kept calling back more and more and finally at like 1am (the fight was at like 10ish) I answered and he explained himself a little bit but seriously that was painful and one of the BIGGEST reasons I'm even sticking around is because I wanted my kids to all have the same father since he didn't used to be an asshole, he was a good father and a pretty good person. In my mind, it made sense to like just keep wanting and wishing and thinking that somehow I could do that enough for the both of us to make things work out. Guess not. I'm not even really heartbroken about the whole thing. He clearly doesn't want more kids, the minute I saw Eli I knew I wasn't done. Life just throws screwballs at us and I just cant take it anymore. I figured with Easter coming up, this is the perfect time to move on.
My work is going pretty good at the moment. I work 40 hours a week teaching a program at a technical school. It's going really well, I only have two students (one on nights and one on days) and they so freaking fantastic. I don't have to substitute anymore so I have my regular students and I love them. I really love it over all, plus I have enough time to read a couple books a week on my laptop on the kindle app (because yanno, there's no reading novels on clocked time.)
The boys are incredible. Every day or two they just amaze my socks off by random things they say or do. I couldn't ask for two better little men. Of course they still get in trouble and they do random kid things, but I am so thankful for them and they really are my saving grace. Eli is going to turn 4 at the end of next month, we just reserved his birthday party at the bowling alley and he is so damn excited. We even bought some of the stuff for the party- he wanted a batman theme again. Avery is doing really, really good in school. He is so smart. He just has trouble staying on task because he gets distracted by just about everything. I was worried his teacher would recommend to hold him back another year (he turned 5 at the beginning of the year but all the other kids were turning 6) but she said he is too smart so they are going to try some "intervention" type things to see if those will help him to stay focused. His reading is going really well now too, he is trying to read things on the tv and street signs we pass. I love it.
Overall, things are good. We are living with my mom and that is so incredibly annoying I can't even begin to rant on that, but I'm sure that will come. I just really generally live in an upbeat part of my life and ignore all the shit crashing down (it's so much nicer that way.) There are bad parts, but they aren't worth dwelling on. It's all about just moving on and starting a new chapter and finally getting the things I've been waiting for in life.
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