Never a Joiner, Never a Joiner in Never Say Never

Would really love to know at what point I learn that I am not a joiner to the effect of NOT JOINING ANYTHING. I really have a hard head on some points.

All I really wanted to do was 40 days of yoga. I really had no intention of meditating twice a day for 40 days, or keeping a food diary, or eating only 800 calories of fruit for three days, or journaling daily about the whole experience. And as it turns out, I really had no intention of attending weekly meetings with 70 someodd other yogis to get what is essentially Landmark Light. No shit. I tried to figure out what came first, the current version of the Landmark language or Baron Baptiste's "revolutionary journey." I couldn't determine, but most likely it's that Baron's parents were early converts of EST and he himself is a Landmark graduate -- thus the Lululemon connection to Landmark. Isn't it interesting how those things have gotten all tangled up?

Anyway, I've spent roughly 70 hours in Landmark programs and about 30 hours in therapy, and I feel that there's very little the 40 days of Personal Revolution can do for me -- except to remind me of what I already know: I am not a joiner, large groups drive me bananas, I absolutely do not believe in any kind of fasting for myself, I will forge my own path in my own time.

I do appreciate, however, that somewhere between a conference room on Spring Valley Road and a sixth-floor office at Lee Park, I learned to let go of whatever was making me label myself "bad" for being they way I am and embracing the fact that I am human, which means I am perfect in my imperfections and that nothing about me is broken or needs fixing, and that having limits does not equate to being a failure.

Since April 1, I have done 1,230 minutes of yoga (or 20.5 hours). I don't love that I find the teachers too chatty or preachy or full of judgments, but I do my best to breathe and move and ignore the urge to growl "just shut the fuck up."

That's growth by any measure.