Cluster in After OD

This will probably be a cluster, but my feelings are all over the place right now.

I feel disgusted with America. I can’t believe the events of Wednesday. Cannot believe it. The disrespect for our nation literally had me in tears. In the days prior I could feel something building. I just held so much tension and anxiety the closer the day came. I did not expect the explosion that occurred. I started watching the certification and about 30 minutes in turned it off because I was overwhelmed with the thought of how long the process could be. Soon after I started seeing the posts on Facebook. It looked like pure insanity.

I’m left speechless by the division among us even after this happened.

It’s been clear all along that he is insane. That he is a liar and a narcissist. He’s dangerous, and yet people love him! Why?

I struggle because my own parents are part of the problem. My father, a narcissist himself does not surprise me. I’ve learned to ignore him when he goes on and on with his rhetoric. My mother though is what kills me. She grabs on to the conspiracy theories and won’t let go. She warns of what’s coming in a Biden world. It’s not good and she’s afraid. They never gave Trump a chance and only gave him a hard time, she says. She shares ridiculous posts on Facebook and I’m absolutely embarrassed by them because family and friends leave comments clearly telling her it’s BS. But she won’t stop and it only gets more outrageous. How can she believe this shit? How can she have raised me and we are polar opposites when it comes to this? No I’ve told her time and again that we can’t talk politics because it just causes hurt feelings and anger. She still does it and tries to bait me. It pisses me off.

I need sleep. I can’t think straight. I’m just so lost in this world right now. I can’t cope.