27 December in Caroline Woods

Just before 12am the most unimaginable thing happened. I have never known such pain. Chills run through me as I remember and recall the loss of a truly dear friend. Of things that could never be like they once were. Of a past glowing with the innocence and purity of a child’s naivete. This pain, this agony, this turmoil is incomparable. Nothing hurts more than drifting apart from your best friend. A pain so wretchedly obscured that you don’t see the knife until it’s plunged into your heart and you bleed to death. As you take your last breathes, say your last words you weep as all hopes of the future drift away. A life with them crumbles and tears as you realize they’ll be just fine without you. When you believed you couldn’t live without them and realize they have been living without you for a long time now. I believed her to be the one constant person in my life. The one friend that’d always be there even after all those years. The friend that would stick, the one who you imagined as your maid of honor, giving a speech and dancing at your wedding. I quiver at the thought of waking up tomorrow, living with the knowledge that I no longer mean as much to someone as I once did. And that I indeed am replaceable. This is more painful than any breakup that I shall endure but despite it all, I just wish her to be happy. Even if it is without me.