I have started taking T. Testosterone. It's been about three weeks now. No real effects yet although my husband says he notices a difference in my voice.
I am aware of the fact that hormones will make me manly and I don't identify as a man. My bigger goal is to not be a woman and the hormones will certainly help with that. As I've stated before, even though I identify as neither male nor female, most people only see one or the other. And if people insist on putting me in one category or another, I want to be seen as a man.
My husband is one of those people. Regardless of how much I tell him I identify as genderqueer, he still sees me as a man. This ought to bother me, but actually I'm just thrilled that he doesn't see me as a woman.
It doesn't help that we still live in a world with a two gender system. I end up having to self-identify as male in a lot of cases because I have no choice. Every time I walk into a men's restroom, I am telling the world I am male even though I don't want to.
After ordering a drink at a movie theater the other day, the cashier called me "ma'am." It hurt my feelings in a way that was probably a major overreaction in hindsight. My husband was in the restroom at the time and didn't hear the exchange. When he came out, I was in tears about it. I told him what happened and how much it bothered me. He was sympathetic, but I could tell he just wanted me to get over it so we could go see the movie.
That just made me more upset. I started crying harder and was aware I was drawing attention to myself in the theater lobby, but I couldn't stop. I told him I wanted to leave because I no longer had interest in seeing the movie. He grudgingly agreed. After we got out the car I told him I would never go back to that theater and I didn't want them to have my money. My husband excused himself and went back inside and I didn't understand why.
Minutes later, he came back out and handed me my money back. He said he complained to a manager and got a refund.
I really appreciate how much he supports me.
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