I'm officially to the point where I'm getting minimal sleep, and the sleep that I do get is full of restlessness and nightmares. I don't know how to turn my mind off anymore. I know this will pass, but while I'm in the moment: This sucks.
I'm not taking very good care of myself. I've put on weight from a crap, yet sadly convenient diet; my hair is in a practically permanent bun, and I literally have to remind myself that I need to brush my hair occasionally.
Typing this out I realize how awful it all sounds. My sweat pants are my best friend, and if I could I'd live on the couch surrounded by candy wrappers and soft drinks... Well let's just say it's a good thing I don't keep either of those items in stock at my house.
But here I am, 11pm and I have to be up by 4:30am to get myself ready for work and my boys ready to spend the day with my mom. My husband is working late. Even if he wasn't, he's not the ideal person to talk to theraputically. He interrupts, refuses insight when requested, yet tries to "fix" when I just need to vent. I haven't looked into therapy. My mom and husband mentioned grief counseling, but I haven't really explained to them that while my dad's passing is a big part of this, what I went through with my son's gestation and delivery really traumatized me. I haven't faced those emotions; even if I wanted to I haven't had the chance. I suppose that's why I'm deteriorating now- delayed response.
I'll figure it out eventually. Meanwhile, it's time to get back to my pitiful attempt at sleeping.
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