Just because I am worried about the mental health and well-being of my daughter now that the school has gone fully virtual until further notice does not mean I am against the teachers or that I do not appreciate the hard work they put into teaching our kids. I know I could not be a teacher. I knew before this year that teaching isn’t for me. Not everyone is cut out for every type of job. Teachers have some serious patience. And they work hard to teach the kids virtually and in person. I’m not disputing that. Teachers put 💯 of their heart and soul into what they do. I am grateful.
But I am a mother first. I worry about what kind of impact virtual schooling has on my child. I worry about meltdowns. I worry about her difficulty focusing and how often she becomes sidetracked. She can’t help it. She has ADHD. I worry about anxiety since she has serious anxiety even under normal circumstances. I worry about how much she struggles academically with virtual learning. I am not worried about the social aspect unlike most parents because my kid isn’t the best socially under normal circumstances. She is happier talking to her friends via FaceTime and playing games with them online anyway. But I am worried about Emily because she struggles. And she struggles during school when things are normal. But she struggles even more when school is virtual. I’m lucky she has fantastic teachers this year who do everything they can to make it easier for her. But it does not fix the situation for my kid.
And I am not hating on the school going virtual because I do not want to be home with my kid. Or because I want the teachers to “baby-sit” my kid or because I don’t want to deal with her. The people who have said that, well, I don’t even want to say what I think about that. I just want my kid in school because it is where she learns the best. It is where she gets the most quality education. It is where she thrives. Even though virtual learning is definitely well organized and planned thanks to the school and teachers this time. It still isn’t the best environment for my child.
The circumstances of Covid-19 suck for everyone. Everyone is battling this storm. But everyone is battling it differently. Everyone is struggling. The circumstances are not fair. It’s not fair for kids. It’s not fair for teachers. It’s not fair for parents. It’s not fair for health care workers and essential employees. It’s not fair. But honestly, I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for Emily. I really wanted this one thing for her during a really shitty year. But nothing about this year has been all that wonderful. I’m tired. We are all tired.
But it’s the innocent children I am the most worried about. Our kids are scared. Our kids are tired. Our kids are anxious. They are living in a world that they do not understand. I’m an adult and I don’t understand. I guess the optimistic part of me just wished that if they just kept going to school, even for part of the day, it was a way for them to pretend everything is okay. Even if for a few hours. But now the bubble is burst again. My heart aches for kids. My heart aches for everyone. There is no perfect solution here. But I’m just putting my feelings out there. If only because I need to get them off my chest before I lose it. This mama is having some serious anxiety lately too. I can’t remember what a good night sleep is like.
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