Dog park at dark in It doesn't matter

Lately I’ve been going to dog park to walk around in the dark. Tonight I was alone for a while so had some music playing on my phone and walked around singing. Sometimes I think I am happier there by myself. There are some regulars who go every night. The past few nights we’ve sat around (distanced) at the picnic tables. There are a couple people who are divorced who’ve discussed their custody arrangements and it makes me scared. I thought maybe because of my age we should just have kids. Then he got drunk Saturday. I went downstairs and I could smell the alcohol on him and his eyes were glossy. We haven’t talked about it. He just said he was sorry and that he loves me. I am pulling away. He keeps asking if I am okay and I say I am fine.
Maybe I’m not. I thought the drinking was done. It makes me remember, covering for you when you passed out on my parents carpet and wet yourself. The last day I visited and you were muttering incoherently and took off and left me alone. The time you drove to the store and and I told you I would call the cops if you did it again. The time I came home for lunch and you were passed out from drinking instead of at work.
Maybe my hopes were too high, maybe this is what it is, for better or worse.