Cross-eyed and plain cross... in Another Open Diary refugee

Spent the morning sorting out the two boxes of paperwork to try to find the tax information... now I'm cross-eyed! And annoyingly, some of it is still missing... we don't have a giving statement from our last church for 2013. John filed for a tax extension but I wanted us to get it done as quickly as possible anyway... last year it was left until the very last minute of the extended deadline and our return was messed up so we couldn't send it electronically, John had to mail it... then they sent it back because he forgot to sign it! We signed the papers and sent them straight back again (in November) but we never got our refund at all (or heard anything about it!) Either somebody else diverted our refund (possible) or it just got lost in the system and at some point Uncle Sam will come back to us and say 'what happened?' Broke as we are that sort of thing really annoys me. I've got a whole box of junk to shred but I'm too tired to do it today...

I'll sort the paperwork for us, I just won't read it because the contents always freaks me out. At one point John tried to get me to take over the paperwork and billpaying but I just can't do it. I have a real problem when it comes to dealing with finances and bills - I have panic attacks just looking at them because there's never enough money to go around to them all, and there's no 'right' way to manage the finances so whatever I do, I'll be wrong... so I leave all that stuff to John and all I ask of him is for him to let me know how much money I have available for necessary expenses (like groceries) and how much we can spare for 'extras' and not to nag me when I screw up... the bills also make me feel guilty because it feels all I do is sit here and spend... I had a panic attack in the car yesterday when we were going to get meat at BJs because John was stressing that I had to keep it under $100 and that's not enough for everything when we haven't been there in four months. Also because we just found out that I failed the medical for our insurance so now they're going to charge $40 a paycheck in penalty fees. While it's not a lot, it's a lot for us! And I'm really pissed off because they're penalising me for being fat and unfit and unhealthy, while TAKING AWAY THE MONEY THAT I WAS GOING TO USE FOR A DAMNED GYM MEMBERSHIP THAT MIGHT HAVE CHANGED IT!!!!!!!!!! There's no way on earth we can afford it now. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to try to cut back on my prescriptions again... I ran out of allergy medicine two weeks ago and I haven't noticed any difference yet so that's one saving.