NoJoMo Day 1 - Nine Inch Nails in NoJoMo

I’m obviously massively behind on this, but I need a reason to write every day to help me find my sanity again and this seems like a good way to deal with the fight against the empty text box that I always face when I start something like this.

Here goes…

01: What as an “old-school” song for you, and what memory is it associated with it?

In my mid to late teens, I became a huge Nine Inch Nails fan. To say I was obsessed might be a bit of an understatement. My boyfriend at the time (who later became my now nearly-ex husband) overplayed their first album, Pretty Hate Machine and to be quite honest, I hated it. To me, it sounded like it was straight out of the soundtrack to a game from my Amiga 500 days in the 80s. Then The Fragile came out, I sat down to read the lyrics and I was blown away. I have always had a very cerebral connection to music - it had to feel like I might have written it myself or it was in my head in some way - and that album spoke to me in a way that surprised me. I then went back and listened to everything I had missed before that and suddenly it was like a world was unlocked for me. I heard things in the way the music was constructed that I hadn’t heard before. Layers and layers of sounds and samples and ideas that had previously been hidden to me were now revealed and I was hooked.

I remained a big fan of NIN for a long time. Well into my thirties. I was lucky enough to see them live several times and they did not disappoint. But Motherhood and all of the associated feelings that come with it, was not compatible with the self destructive feelings of self loathing and misanthropy that Nine Inch Nails invited in. I just couldn’t relate, much as I could still appreciate the incredible arrangement of music that only Trent Reznor could produce.

Occasionally now, I go back and revisit them. I’m still in awe of watching them live on DVD and they still stir feelings in me from that time in my life. When I found them, I was angry with the world and angry within and at myself. A lot of people in my life had treated me poorly or let me down and they provided an outlet for that. They made me feel like it was ok to feel that way, as opposed to the world I inhabited where the emphasis was very much on not stepping out of line or being outspoken or having a voice or showing any negative emotions. It was a revelation to me that someone could revel in those feelings, never mind make a career out of it. Not that this is specific to just Nine Inch Nails. That was a revelation I had from the whole genre of rock and metal. But they showcased it in particular.

There isn’t one particular song that takes me back to that time. But certainly when I listen to The Fragile, not only does it send a shiver down my spine at how good it was, it also sends me straight back to that time and those feelings.