This week, I should be focused on other priorities, but I can’t escape the feeling, that my work does not reciprocate the sacrifices I’ve made. Important events such as births, family, and holidays. I spend numerous hours and resources to perform my military duties, but I can’t seem to get ahead. It’s been 4 passovers over promotions, and I fear that I may not reach the next rank before my convictions fall in line. Being in the same position for the last 10 years makes it extremely demotivating. I pray to God that I have the strength to keep with the positive attitude, otherwise I feel I’ll delve into the darkness again. The angry, aggressive, and destructive person I was once before. Maybe that’s the direction I need to take to get ahead, but it’s not who I am as a person now.
I do not like that side of me. Angry, depressed, uncompromising, self-conscious, insecure, ect. It’s a side I try to find balance and light, to counteract.
This only solidifies the directions I need to take. A road of two paths, one for family, and the other for work. The military life is not for all families, especially for those who like to seek adventure, but home is the priority. I don’t think it’s fair to think my family should take second fiddle to my choices and convictions.
I absolutely hate the advancement system in the Navy. It should be by merit and experience. The recent promotions were dealt with by retention and not by performance. At one end, I can understand, but at the other end. It’s utter bullshit. At times, I believe it still the good ol’ boys club. Crap I’ve dealt with my life. It’s all about who you know rather than effort. I have little faith, it’s still under the system I believe in.
Some paths do not align, even in parallel. Maybe this is God’s sign. Pursue other goals in life. Plenty of people have achieved better on different paths. Focus on what’s important.
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