Wait, it's only Tuesday? in Everyday Rants...

  • Nov. 11, 2020, 5:41 a.m.
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I swear I feel like it should be later in the week.

I’m getting really fed up of this waking up 30-60 minutes ahead of my alarm. I’m already not a morning person. Take away additional sleep, and my real asshole side shows more. I’ve never been a heavy sleeper. That and I need to get a new draft inducer assembly for the furnace, as it’s gotten louder - at least I think it has - since last winter. The fan is out of balance and makes enough noise that I can hear it over my earplugs. I’ll have to go into the crawlspace and get the numbers off the damned thing. Coffee isn’t helping much these days. Meh.

Today wasn’t very eventful. Just basic service stuff, nothing interesting. Although I did have my last job on Camano Island, but even that wasn’t really interesting. Customer’s operator took a power surge when the utility reconnected power, fried the board. But, it’s the first generation of a current model, so it’s the control board, the gizmo on the motor that tells the board where the door is, and the wall button, because we went to an encoded signal when these came out, but it was such a pain in the ass, we got rid of it. Whee. I’m also realizing the wheel bearings in the work truck need to be dealt with soon. I’ll have to run it by the tire shop that fixed my car and get an estimate. At least with them, I can drop it off Saturday morning, and pick it up Saturday afternoon, and not have to shuffle crap around and potentially not have what I need while I wait for the place the owner likes to take 3 days to do a simple job. They couldn’t figure out how to fix my power mirrors. Inspire confidence that does not.

R and I were talking about our call center experience - I don’t remember how it came up - and ended up talking about having to do collections. I’ve worked customer service and tech support for two different mobile carriers - one of whom went tits up years ago, but it was MCI so not surprising. I had made some comment about using my super asshole ability to make collection calls, and R basically jumped on it, since she HATES doing those. She told me she’d talk to the owner and see what would come of it. She told me today he agreed. So I get to don the headset again and “This is _____ calling for (garage door company) regarding your past due balance with us”. Tee. Hee. Hee. I think it’ll be like one day a month or something, I’ll spend all day in the office making calls. Well… I said I like a variation in jobs, so I guess that counts.

S is still being just ever so obvious. She’s normally not prone to selfies, but she sent one the other day. Good reminder why I’m keeping a distance… at least until I lose my resolve and cave in to what will certainly be a fun experience, until I regret it, beginning the next morning.
I just sound like such a nice person, don’t I? It’s not that I’m ungrateful for the offer, and it’s not that I don’t like the fact that someone does think of me in that way, and does find me sexually attractive. Of course I like it. Of course it’s an ego boost. But it’s also someone who as a Christian couldn’t date me without going to couple’s counselling with her pastor cause I’m a heathen (that is NOT how I identify myself, thanks.), or who is a glutton for self-inflicted punishment, or leaves me with the feeling that I’m just an emotional punching bag because she has so many problems, most of which she brought upon herself, that are more important or more spectacular, or whatever, than mine. Dramatics. I just do not need it.

I will finally admit, however, I do need a girlfriend. I hate that I’m actually to the point of saying that. That’s not something I want to admit to. I’m not supposed to need anyone. I’m supposed to WANT a girlfriend, yes. But not need.

God, I hope BL never sees this shit.

I’ve never been good alone. It wasn’t so bad to not be dating back home because I had plenty of friends to spend time with. But I did miss having someone when I was single, none the less, it was just easier. I’m generally an affectionate person. I like holding hands, hugging, snuggling, kissing, etc. No, I’m not talking about sex or foreplay. I’m talking about the sweet gentle innocent (mostly) stuff that can be small but carry meaning. No, I can’t find what I want in a one night stand. That simply does not work. Remember the whole fun for the weekend girl. Meh. Another bad decision, but I digress. It’s just the emotional and physical closeness. Even when BM and I were at outs, I still felt better because she was asleep next to me. Come to think of it, I think I’ve only spent the whole night - like went to sleep and woke up with - 2 people. BM and someone I used to work with way way way back when. Vicki, I think. I dunno. I kinda remember but am not certain on her name. Too many years, too many bad memories later. I’ve not thought about her in years. But being close like that was always nice. When I spent time with my girlfriends, it was always a lot of time in close proximity, sitting against each other on the couch, holding hands, close presence. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve had that. I mean, with someone with whom I have some sort of emotional connection.
Hmmm… I wasn’t intending this to become an emotional crap entry.

I’m going to another island tomorrow. If you didn’t know, yes, we have islands near Seattle. Some are realistically more just peninsulas, but yeah. Lots of water around here. Customer told K that she was 10 minutes off the ferry, but having been to this town before, I called bullshit immediately, pulled out my phone and mapped it. Yeah… 10 minutes my ass. I just have to hope the board change I have first thing in the morning goes VERY smoothly. Otherwise, I’m going to be running VERY behind tomorrow, more so if I have a long wait for the ferry on either end.
I started writing this supposed to be short entry at 19:30. It’s now 20:41. Shit. Now I know why the cat is whining from the laundry room. 40 minutes late with his food. Fat prick. G’nite.

Sup3rjaw November 16, 2020

Yeah I know what you mean. About all of it. I was never single for very long at all from about the age of 18 but then being in relationships was hard because I could never work out what was going on and one night stands aren't just bad, they're mostly toxic. Good sex is mostly only done with someone you know or, ideally, with someone you love. Then again, all that led me to was getting married young because I felt I'd 'had my fun' and needed to 'settle down'. At 23. Jesus. Have your fun. Enjoy it while you can! ;)

He Who Must Not Be Named Sup3rjaw ⋅ November 16, 2020

Heh, I don't remember sex anymore. But I'd greatly prefer to have that with someone there's a strong emotional attachment with. I've wanted to settle down for years, but I think I'm not likely to get that anymore.

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