Can I change in I write

This post is me being irrational, I’m trying to improve my well being. I’ve been through some stuff this year. Please DO NOT take this post as advice.

From this morning I stop expressing joy or having relaxation. It spoiled me in the past, and I feel like I’m sinning to enjoy anything. I have to discipline myself big time.
I am distracted or easily influenced by pretty much anything - shows, music, dogs, social interaction. I get dragged away from sense of myself.
I’m ignorant in so many aspects of life because my mind goes in la la land half the fucking time.
Wake up, meditate/walk, self-improvement podcasts, work. Work more. And say almost nothing.
I need serious structure. Like military.
Working and learning skills (like finances) is the only thing I should do.

It got to me emotionally after I started behaving this way this morning, but these feelings should not matter. Throw them in the trash. I need to endure hardship for as long as it takes until I change.

Last updated November 07, 2020