A few months ago my older brother started having seizures. They came out of nowhere. He’s 39 years old and has never had a seizure before. He had an MRI after the first one but nothing showed up on it. It was attributed to stress. He has a lot of it because of years and years of drama with the mother of his daughter. So he moved on with his life and kept it moving.
Except a month later he had another seizure at work. And it was longer. And more came. So he went to a neurologist. Another MRI was done and it turns out he had a tumor on his brain. The tumor had grown in a month. The tumor was causing seizures and affecting his speech. So he was referred to a neurosurgeon. The neurosurgeon decided brain surgery was in order to remove the tumor since it was affecting his speech and movement. Plus he needed to biopsy the tumor to see if it was cancerous.
On October 20th he had brain surgery. The surgery lasted over 6 hours. He was awake during the surgery answering questions, doing things on an iPad and working with the speech, occupational and physical therapists. The neurosurgeon’s goal was to get the entire tumor out. But during the surgery there were issues with movement on my brothers foot so the doctor stopped so he didn’t paralyze him. But he said he believed all of the tumor was removed.
My brother was in the hospital for 3 days. He was awake, moving, talking and most importantly he was alive. I was terrified during the surgery. But I was mostly concerned for my parents. Neither of them are in the best health and this is taking a major toll on them. His movement is slowly returning to his foot. But he has issues with his hands and cannot do things like he used to. But he is in occupational and physical therapy a few times a week so that he can learn to do things again. He’s doing the best he can. He’s been so strong and so positive. He has to be for his 13 year old daughter.
Today though. Today things took a turn. Today he went to the neurologist with my mom for the biopsy results. And it is not good. Mom called me today and she was in tears. The tumor is malignant. It is cancerous. It is Grade 3. The doctor said he did not expect it to be cancerous. He said this type of tumor is aggressive and can grow rapidly. But they will fight it. He said my brother will have to have chemo and radiation.
I have been trying to keep it together. I have been trying to be strong for my parents, my sister, my brother. I have been trying to be strong for my niece and my 9 year old daughter who adores her Uncle. But today after months of keeping it together, I finally broke down and cried when I hung up with my mom. I cried for my brother. I cried for my parents. I cried for my niece.
After I was done crying I became angry. I don’t understand why these things happen to such good people. My brother is quiet. Why. Sticks to himself. He’s a family man through and through. His entire world is my niece. He and her mother split when my niece was 3 months old. Never married. And the mother is a piece of work. She makes my brother miserable. And my brother has such a big heart. And he never bothers anyone. He works hard and loves his job. But he’s struggling so much right now. He’s got to be scared but he’s being so positive and so strong. I admire his strength.
Me. I’m just angry. I’m in a stage where I just don’t understand why him. My mom had a cancer scare earlier this year. And my dad has heart trouble. I can’t watch another family member struggle and suffer. I’m so angry at the world. At god. At my niece’s mother for making him so miserable even now. I’m angry at the world around me for being so mean and nasty to each other and forgetting about kindness, compassion and being a decent human being. I’m sick of all the negativity and hostility on social media. I wish people would realize that family and friends are everything. That love is important. That life is short and you shouldn’t waste it being angry with loved ones about politics. I’m smiling on the outside and screaming on the inside.
Friends have offered to take me out. To get my mind off things. To be there. And I can’t let anyone in. Not right now. Right now I am too angry and too bitter to be with anyone outside family. It is taking everything I have in me not to blow up at everyone. I am torn between crying and just screaming. And I have to keep it together for everyone else. I don’t know how much more of this shitty 2020 year I can take. It just needs to end.
Please pray for my brother and my family. We really need it.
Loading comments...