personality in I write

I need to stop falling for people’s words.

There’s someone (called X) and I am easily influenced or emotionally affected by what X says or does. I like X but at the same time I’m easily affected by X. X and I were in love at one point and then “broke up”. We never actually dated. (online only). And now the messages are like arguments all the time.

All this really got to me recently and I harmed myself. And once again.

I need to stop repeating the past of falling for X’s words. Or anyone else’s words.
I need to stop trying to make others happy.
I need to stop being absent minded.
I need to think for myself.
I need to care for myself.
How the fuck can I change?
Because that’s not my personality. I get dragged easily into things and environment around me. I’m such a fucking ignorant idiot. And me being an idiot creates problems for me and for other people. I don’t intend it but I do something stupid and create a problem.

I started becoming a better person recently and almost completely emotionally detached myself, but then I took things easy momentarily and then I created a problem again. And my mood got down almost the whole day.

And then I’m also a super sensitive person. It gets to the point I lose concentration on what I need to do or on what I’m doing because how I am easily affected.

Every time I take life lightly I create a problem or say or do something stupid. I came to that point I want to stop feeling joy about anything anymore. I screw up something every time I take something lightly. Suppose I finished a task, or I mastered a skill. Or I worked really hard one day. Then I take it easy the next day. Every time. Not just now, it’s been like that repeatedly.

I get joyful or dragged into things very easily and that turns into a bad thing. I either create a problem or do something stupid.

I already punished myself last time. Then I created a problem again. What should I do this time?

Last updated November 07, 2020