I’m not sure if I want to be the person I was when I was happy. I was more confident, but. relied on others to support me. By “other”, I mean my best friend who moved away almost two years ago. Here’s my schedule for stress throughout a day:
Morning before school - High levels, overthinking, assuming the worst, overreacting
Morning at school - Still high yet slightly dulled, overthinking, attempting to plan ahead, trying to form a logical plan
Afternoon at school - Medium levels, understanding what they expect, knowing what to do, not wanting to do it at home
Afternoon at home - Procrastinating a lot, kinda stressed, not too bad, worried about stalling for too long, stressed about not giving mom enough attention.
Overall, my mind always gives me something to be stressed about. It always tries to get me to do something perfectly to make it work better for someone else’s life while not trying to embarrass myself. Consistently trying to be perfect so I save other people’s time. So they aren’t wasting theirs on me. I want people who need it more to get it like if I’m not doing the best. Yet I’m not desperate for help. I’d want someone who’s more urgent to get help first because I think their situation is more important than mine.
This is a lot of random thoughts that I bunched together…
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