Bring me to life in Thoughts

Evanescence was on pandora earlier.
She had forgotten about the journal, until a convo with a friend reminded her. 2 yrs. Everything is different, she remains the same. Except now, She knows what intimacy with an understanding, thoughtful partner is like. And she knows it’s fucking amazing. Restorative. Liberating.
But re-reading those forgotten fantasies hits home how badly she craves surrender. Yearns to find a teacher who understands the layers involved, who knows how to verbalize the process when needed, who understands the dangers of shame transference.
She knows she is not allowed to have it all. But she isn’t clear on who made that rule, or on why something as restorative as intimacy has to be aimed at only one person at a time. It doesn’t seem fair, to expect one person to shoulder so much baggage and burden.
Holding the journal delicately, she gathers as much breath as she can before sliding back under the waves, grateful to the water for keeping her safe, even as it blurs all of her carefully written lines.

Last updated October 20, 2020