remember when i said something about me “studying” harder? WELL um that didn’t go well I ended up spending yesterday doing nothing actually useful ( same goes to today) I went 2 DAYS OF BEING USSLESS ! I knowww what your thinking “aren’t you over reacting too much people are lazy form time to time” BUT THAT ISNT THE POINT my siblings are practically genius! without music I basically disposable compared to them I SWEAR to GOD I just don’t want to feel like I’m failing behind WHICH FYI i am terribly I don’t know exactly how I’m gonna fix this but I’m not sure either. EWBGUJWEHGTQ VOEWHN GLORHGROIUJLVNLG . I wish i was born with higher iq! sigh I’m writing igsce SOON TOO and let me just say it sucks ! can we just shed light to the fact that PEOPLE THINK THE REASON IM FAILING BEHIND IS BECAUSE OF MY “EMOTIONAL” TRUAMA FORM MY PARENTS DIVORCE a year ago… like BEESH WHATTHEFUCK! REALLY ? they make that excuse to make me feel less dumb but that isn’t the fact! my parents drama? HAD NO EFFECT ON ME which is something people don’t get ! I don’t CARE about my dad either way i realize that i should cuz he MY only father but then I do NOT FEEL anything the way the messy divorce is going DIDNT EFFECT ME i don’t get what they mean by that its complete BS
sigh either way I neeeeed to find A MORE safer way to improve my studying WITHOUT losing any motivation ( i have ALOT of work to do )
PS: about the divorce thing my mom thinks that my brain is making me not feel sad cuz im really sad??? HONESTLY maybe she’s right cuz i never felt broken at all but the thing is i just don’t bloody care about getting sad and stuff waste of energy ya know
anyway night journal i feel MUCH BETTER
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