First Entry in Journal

  • Oct. 17, 2020, 9:31 p.m.
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  • Public

I need this.
First time I feel the need to write. The need to think,
To feel,
And to be.
This I need.


~11:45 am: Woke up
Not a great start, but I got up excited to study and learn.
Three exams are in two days and I have been studying all week.
Maths is starting to stress me out.

~2:30 pm: Study session in progress.
Maths is really stressing me out.
Coffee is at its peak at this point and the stress is derailing my focus.
I am trying, yet I feel overtaken by so much emotion.

~4:30 pm: Anger
I can not hold it any longer.
My anger has manifested itself from thoughts alone to the way I pull my hair.
I feel the pulse on my temple suddenly throbbing.

~5:00 pm: Framework of stress
I am starting to tear up, that is, of course, tears of failure.
A simple math problem that I do not understand, yet it is simple.
Time feels physical as if it was chasing me.
Or, does it feel as if time is about to win my race.
I am just constrained by this framework.

~6:00 pm: I need a run
I stopped studying and the stress settled down.
Although it is settled, the framework is still there.
To change it, I chose to run as a form of meditation.
It worked.

~8:00 pm: Refreshed
Showered, rejuvenated, and thankful
Leaving studying for tomorrow.

Thank god my race is a marathon
First time I have experienced stress and felt like giving up.
But, if I did, well…

Begin again.


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