hurry hurry hurry type something before you forget and get lost in something meaningless like last time and the time before that and the time before that. oh kick ass you’re typing now, you did it! maybe you’ll do more than one entry even?
yo chick I just really needed you to type this out so that you’d remember that you took care of yourself tonight. you were so close to placating your learned helplessness and addiction to self victimization and just do nothing tonight but you didn’t. you ate something even when your shitty food was depressing too, but it doesn’t matter you sucked up those nutrients like a normal human that wants to give herself sustenance nomnomnomnom.
let’s see what’d you do after that.. ok so you had a pity party moment but it kind of helped by making it feel more like rock bottom (spoiler: it’s not rock bottom it’s a mind trick and also you’re just not sleeping so everything feels like it sucks duh). OK so you logged onto your therapists site and made like 4 fucking therapy appointments. holy shit good job. I will fucking hype you up for this I don’t care how stupid it looks you did something to help yourself. you know what that’s called? Self Care. nice!
did you stop there? no!? you madman! you got in the shower after that? omfg. washed your hair which is a pain cause its longer than its ever been. holy shit did you just put lotion on your face? skincare wtf lol you’re not even depressed are you look at you taking care of yourself!
hey girl for real I’m getting tired of the campy hype but it was fun for a second and I just really want you to remember that you’re not as helpless as you think, don’t buy it, it’s a trick planted by some sick people and tended by yourself. you’re not useless. you’re beautiful. so maybe you’ll do some more self care tomorrow or maybe you won’t and you’ll stay up all night overthinking and crying and distracting yourself and whatever else you can come up with to not sleep and make the problem worse and harder the next time. it’s ok if you do, you’re only human. but try to remember to come back here and maybe read this entry about how you weren’t useless tonight and maybe make another. please?
Please?
I Love You
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