I have been carrying around extra pounds of weight for nearly two decades- that weight is more than the physical weight. The more I want it gone, the more I want to gorge myself… It’s a freaking cycle.
Yesterday I spent so much time eating, I have no clue what I consumed. I do know that my stomach was overfilled for most of the day and I’m still feeling it today. Add in the PMS, and I am nothing short of miserable.
Tomorrow I will be discussing an intake with a therapist and starting to work through all of the emotional reasons why I eat and how to break the habit.
I’m watching my friend succeed, and I am beating myself up for my failures. She has lost over seventy pounds in the past few months. I’m still around the same weight.
I hope next week I can start this medication to lose quickly. I’m not going to supply the family with my weaknesses and I plan to really meal plan again.
I need to pick myself up and go for the goal. I need to lose 130#
I need to love who I am in the mirror and stop being reminded of the things I went through.
I am strong, beautiful on the inside, a good mother, a good wife, a good friend- smart, talented, determined, yet- when I look in the mirror all I see is the bad…
I need to change that.
I have changed the location of this entry to a “new book.”
Last updated October 12, 2020