An Escape in School V. Mental Health

Some days, I wonder if there is a world where I can do both. Balance school work and still live happily. It’s freshman year, and I had this same issue last year. I can do all my school work on time, and I can do it well. It’s the cost that harms me. Every day, I’m closer to my own self-destruction. I want to believe that people see it. That people can see my pain. That they want to help, but don’t know how to. I don’t know how either, so I can’t really blame them. I like to think I’m a hard person to, who is easy to misinterpret. I really do, but I can’t go inside their head and I don’t have the guts to ask. So, my mind makes up these worlds and scenarios that aren’t true. I keep these emotions bundled up because I am afraid of what will happen. The future and the unknown is a scary thing that I am trying to figure out. That is why I am yet to ask for help. I say my concerns about my own destruction, but because I don’t know how to help myself. I am ignored which only speeds up this process. I don’t know how close my life is to its inevitable end. There are so many things I want to do, but can’t for a number of reasons. You will see these in my next entry.