Morning: 6:00 am
So two years back, I met this girl in school. We were and still are polar opposites. I never bothered interacting with her cause she wasn’t really “my type”. But turns out, we still had a story to tell. Two years later, we started getting close and eventually we started dating. Neither of us knew how things would turn out or what our relationship had in store for us. Couple months later, we broke up cause I had emotional and mental baggage. Growing up in my household did not equip me with the skills I needed in making friends and creating that emotional connection one needs to succeed.
The break up hurt but she became one of my best friends. She showed me love, care and patience that I had never experienced before. She made me smile when I thought I was incapable, she taught me how to love and till now, she teaches me what no family ever tried. But here comes the hard part, reciprocating it. Learning how to trust someone and being completely comfortable with them. I was bullied through primary and I became insecure about myself. Always diminishing myself that I could never amount to anything, for myself or for anyone else. She still loved me though, was extremely patient with me and I still can’t believe it.
I think I never tried cause everyone I tried to trust and love walked out on me cause they didn’t give me enough time. I’m just scared of getting hurt buy those closest to me and I would really love if at least she would stay cause I know I am never going to find anyone like her ever again.
Evening: 9:00 pm
Well, I’mma be honest, its been a hard day. Having to sit through my classes and be the participating student my teachers love. So Esther does this thing where she doesn’t talk to me, intentionally though, cause whenever I say I’m keeping away from people, I exempt her and she doesn’t think that healthy for me. She forces me to keep to myself and reset. Also, she is like the only person I talk to everyday so it works, lol. But I guess I do need it. She seems to know what I need better than I do. But it sucks when the only person you want to talk to isn’t but oh well. Yah, so I’ve been on sad nigga hours all day and while many use that time to be depressed and shit, my depression is where I find the most. I’m at my happiest then so sad nigga hours for life, lol.
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