4th of July! in My life both public and private!
- July 3, 2020, 4:35 a.m.
- |
- Public
Well its just so hard to believe it’s the 4th of July weekend. Seems like there really has been no summer. We didn’t celebrate Memorial Day. Barely did anything for Mothers day. School ended and we didn’t have any graduations or celebrations. Seems like are currently living in an alternative universe.
Steve is playing golf with my dad, my uncle and Steves best friend. Steve will leave about 7 and not get back until probably 3 or so. It will be nice to have some alone time. Bella and I can lay in bed and watch TV. Take our walk and then go have lunch with my mom. Supposed to rain a little. But hoping it will stay clear. I may even go for a run this morning as I haven’t run since Tuesday.
Steve and I have been very good for the last few weeks. But being cooped.up in a small 2 bedroom condo 24/7 for almost 3 1/2 months really tested our relationship. I hate confrontation but also won’t back down if I think I am right. We red heads can be very stubborn. And I am guilty as charged.
The argument we keep having i s the same every month. I own the condo and pay the mortgage, association fees, house cleaning fees and the winter snow removal fee. I bought a 2 bedroom condo knowing that I needed a room mate to help me pay the mortgage. Steve has some college loans he has to pay.off. I understand. Many of my.friends also have college loans. They pay.them and also pay.rent or have a mortgage to pay. But that is no reason to expect free rent. I did just refinance but I qent from 30 year to a 15 year loan so my payment actually went up a little. I also let him use one of my garages for free. They usually rent for 100 dollars a month. I pay the association fee so we both can use the gym, swimming pool and tennis courts.
If you were me would.you charge your bf rent? Or am I being unfair about it? I do really love the companionship and I really have very deep feelings for Steve. I have not had a relationship for over years and we do have a special bond. Am I being unreasonable? Or do.tou agree he should pay if he wants to live there?
I don’t want.to go back.to dating sites and one night stands and being ghosted. But I also don’t want to lose him. What do.you all think?
Happy 4th!
hot-lips ⋅ July 03, 2020
I'm like you, don't like to back down and stubborn when I really believe I'm right or I'm adamant about something. Is Steve living with you permanently now, as in not just for the period of lockdown? In any case, I would suggest he contributes towards some of the bills at least, if he's not paying rent. It's not really fair to live with someone for several months without offering to contribute somehow.
Bre M hot-lips ⋅ July 03, 2020
I guess you should read the previous FO entry. That really tells the entire story. Its a little.off color but I think drives a point home.
colojojo ⋅ July 04, 2020
I don’t think you’re wrong to charge him rent. Did you have the place before you were in a relationship with him? Is it something you told him at the beginning that if you live together, you expect him to pay rent? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask someone who lives with you to pay rent/contribute. My bf doesn’t ask me to pay rent, but I feel guilty about it sometimes! So i pay for all groceries and little household things (toiletries, paper towel, cleaning stuff, etc) and vacations. He knows my student loans and car loan altogether cost more than a mortgage. But I’m still contributing and not solely focusing on my own stuff. We live together, and it’s unfair for me to not contribute.
The only compromise I can think of is possibly lowering rent? I don’t know how much you charge him or if it’s 50/50. If it is 50/50, maybe just make it 60/40 or 70/30? If you already charge him less then I don’t think he should be complaining.
Bre M colojojo ⋅ July 04, 2020
I bought the condo before we started to date. But when we moved in together we had been dating for a couple.of.months. the odd thing is I let him check out rents in the.complex and come up with a # he was comfortable with. And I thought it was fair # that we agreed upon. Steve pays about 1/2 the amount of mortgage but I pay the association fees, snow removal fees house cleaning fees and let him use a garage for free. What happened is he had a loan deferral that kicked in right before Christmas. So the amount he was paying in loans doubled on him. I pay for most of the groceries but he pays when we go out and for whatever beer or wine we may use. He drinks really expensive craft beers, has very expensive taste in clothes and has a lot of hobbies that are very expensive. I also have parents close by who help me out a lot not that I ever ask. After this last go around which was really bad I told him if he ever brings it up again I will give him 30 days to find new living arrangements. He said I wouldn't but I told.him calmly Try me. Hopefully this is the end of it. Happy 4th. Just doesn't feel like a holiday.
colojojo Bre M ⋅ July 04, 2020
It sounds like he needs some lifestyle changes then. Expensive hobbies and clothes... some things need to take a pause or change in order to pay bills. That’s just life.
Bre M colojojo ⋅ July 05, 2020
Steve's problem is he is an impulse buyer. The lock down has slowed him down. Hopefully it will continue.
WomanOfSteele ⋅ July 21, 2020 (edited July 21, 2020)
Edited
I definitely think you have every right to charge him rent. It's unfair of him to just expect to live there for free just because he has other bills. We all have bills to pay, but we all have to pay to live where we're living lol. It's only right that he should at least offer to pitch in.
Bre M WomanOfSteele ⋅ July 21, 2020
Me too. I think we finally put it to bed. We agreed to no rent this summer until he gets paid again in the fall. But he is paying for our vacation spot. I am going to do a FO entry tomorrow morning about my 5 or 10 fantasys I want Steve to do to me. I have 7 and am still working on the last 3.