06-19-2020 in My struggle with depression, eating disorders, personality weaknesses and bad temper.

Binge eating disorder because of anxiety, Adhd, knee injury what else can happen ? having Corona virus maybe? This is too much for me to handle. PRESSURE. I existed in here against my will for God’s sake and I have to get through this all alone. I wish I had the balls to face my parents with their “mistake”. I can’t face this fucking world.
I’m not thinking about self harm at all. yet, the idea of disappearing all of a sudden, without leaving a fucking trace is very peaceful. I wanna leave everything and start over.
I can’t do cardio because of my knee injury and thus I neither can’t have a dopamine rush nor can I kick-start my brain that is just refusing to help me finish the research. I have 11 days left … For my bad luck, I’m in a country where Adhd drugs are considered illegal.
What hurts me the most is that I will not be able to this. It’s not about me, because I know a “piece of cardboard” (diploma) will not define who I am. It just hurts me to see my parents unhappy or disappointed. But I’m doing this at the expense of my physical/mental health. I feel stuck, I wanna scream very loud and pour it all out.
TW
The picture I’m gonna show can be very disturbing to people who have eating disorders or . it took me much courage to these personal pictures with you. This is who I am, I fucking hate this and I want it to end. My heart is driving me to self-sabotage me …
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These are the leftovers of 2/3 days of binge eating. It has all started with a phone call, just imagine… It took me much courage to show this in public …