Have you seen her? in Just Call Me Your Lunatic Friend. Welcome To The Madness.

The prompt for today is for me to describe in detail my first girlfriend. This could be togh due to my mental challenge. Bear with this old guy, please? I had to physically ask my mother who she would identify as my first girlfriend. Not because I was so active in socializing with the opposit sex, far from it. In fact I spoke to my parents because I was worried that they would think I was gay because I had so little romantic interest in girls my age. I’ll fess up, I had absolutely zero game.

My problem is what, in this sense qualifies as an official girlfriend?

Like many, I had crushes and attractions through the years on girls and even now on women and celebrities. But that would not qualify as a girlfriend in my book because it was not mutual and may not have been a welcomed attraction by me towards them which would make it non=consensual. Truth is I have real beloved friends now that I am attracted to, and we live states apart and have never met face to face. But that would not qualify either.

You may be yelling at me through the computer screen by now. I am sorry but does that make you feel any better?

My issue is in even though I did have relationships, I think most of them were only because they felt they had to date anyone or they possibly would gain some sort of status because she was seen with the pastor’s son or the drummer or some other misled belief.

So, the only name I can settle on is Nikki. She went to our church and showed some sort of positive vibes toward me.

An honest description will be unintentionally rather vague at times.

Did the former polite society have a term for a girl or woman that they used to call “portly”? And why is that term used for men and not women. I guess what I’m asking is when my Mother used to take me each year to Sears to get clothes for me for school and my jeans search would inevitably trap us in they “Husky” section. What section would trap an equivalent little girl?

But, nuts and bolts, Nikki, like me was rotund and rather secluded and discarded from the normal, or popular, or beautiful people. So, I guess you could say we both reeked of desperation.

Other than her size, I can recall she had dark hair, a pretty face and a caring demeanor.

Our first “date” was we went bowling with her sister. On that day we experienced our first kiss. Over the months together, that first kiss would evolve into me giving my virginity to her. That is a whole story in and of itself. But, suffice it to say, it happened. We started spending a lot of time together, both in and out of church and hardly on good behavior when we were together. Naughty, naughty…

Over the years I’ve learned she was constantly sexually abused by her father so I think she learned sex was how to communicate with males. That knowledge of her breaks my heart.

Be good humans to each other!

Current Music: “Since You’ve Been Gone”
By; Kelly Clarkson