14 in 2020

Tomorrow my son is turning 14. He gave me permission to post a baby picture on Facebook (“But none on Instagram, Mom! You have to promise!”), so I was looking through old pictures tonight and I am feeling my age. Rob and I look so young when he was a baby! I didn’t realize I thought of myself as old until I started looking at photos from 2005 and 2006. I definitely don’t look like that anymore!

I’m feeling the phrase “The days are long, but the years are short” today for sure. It’s the pictures, people and places that I haven’t seen in so long. Some are gone - like my amazing brother-in-law, and my friend from high school who I thought would always be there; it’s been a decade since we lost them (a year apart). Even looking at pictures of my mom from back then is hard, knowing she is essentially gone thanks to the Alzheimer’s even if she’s technically still here. Florida’s nursing homes are still on full lockdown, so my sister who lives ten minutes away hasn’t seen her since March. It’s just…weird.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks of parenting too, though the son is not to blame. We’ve been struggling with Sophie - she’s not-quite-13 and just doesn’t want to listen to anyone or anything right now. One night I stayed up late talking to some friends, and when I went to bed after midnight I heard a sound from her room and realized she was on her phone. We’ve always had the rule that the kids turn off their phones and plug them in downstairs before they go to bed, and when I busted her she tried to hide it; since then, we’ve caught her with her laptop in her room twice (both times at night). It brought up some other issues that I’m not ready to talk about here, but she’s seeing a therapist now and understands that (1) her dad is an IT professional who is very good at his job, so she can’t outsmart him when it comes to technology and (2) she needs to earn back our trust before she can even think about having access to her phone.

It’s going to be a long summer, y’all.

And I can’t believe my little boy is turning 14 tomorrow.