I wish I had known then what I know now, but I didn’t.
I was feeling sorry for myself. Time and people didn’t matter anymore. It had been that way for a while. You could say my head was down and it had been a long time since I bothered to look up.
I heard her before I saw her. At first it annoyed me; the sound of a woman’s laughter. We didn’t need any more new people in the neighborhood. I admit I was also bitter about my ex. She was a vindictive woman and it wasn’t a happy marriage. But this isn’t about her.
I was getting the mail, in my own world, when a Wisconsin wind kicked in. One of those stupid circulars blew out. (Does anyone even read those?) It took me a second but I got the little devil. That’s when I looked up. That’s when I saw her.
Sunshine. Bright and happy. Smiling. Her red hair a mess in the wind and she didn’t care.
I couldn’t look away. She was twirling. Her other (Husband? Boyfriends?) was there but he wasn’t looking, he was busy. I know what that’s like.
But she saw me. She saw me and she smiled. Like a child she stopped twirling and steadied herself for a moment, but she is no child. She is a woman; women being heartbreak.
She waved. I panicked (Also like a child) and turned away. I went back into the saftey of my house. Tail between my legs. She had to be laughing at me. My ex would be.
I was stupid then. I was angry. The fact Sunshine is attractive made me more upset. Every attractive woman I have ever known has been mean. They are so tired of smiling to be pretty they are catty and mean. The ones closest to them get it the worst.
I didn’t think Sunshine was going to be different. I was wrong.
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