Of The Mind in The Book Of Everything

It’s been almost a full 2 months home now and I feel stuck at a point where I’m trying to not overthink things too much, especially because when you lurk the internet a little too much certain invasive thoughts start to appear, but I generally am good at shutting off my internal monologue once I feel my thought process is becoming stupid and self-harming. I am happy that I can manage to be at peace with myself and clear my head in a situation where some seem to be slowly losing their sanity (and for the right reasons too).

But I still feel that there’s something weighting on me. I can say that the last few months haven’t been the most brilliant, academically, socially and physically. I recognize that I am actually mostly fine in any of these regards, but I think I have it in me to excel further and not just be mediocre. And I wonder whether I should be harder on myself, because in a sense I am too lenient, I let myself get complacent and don’t reprimand myself for not having tried a little harder, for not having put just a little more effort. Always that little step further that could translate to a bigger payoff. And that step is truly small, believe me, and it’s probably why I tend to let up at that point. Damn you, immediate satisfaction!