Well obviously, I went to this site and created this book because I’m so damn bored in quarantine. You know that feeling when you’re too bored doing nothing but too lazy to do anything? That’s what I feel. And I must say, this is by far the most productive thing I’ve ever done yet. I created this ‘diary’ to vent out my feelings and tell the world what’s happening in some parts of my life without being known. You know that feeling when you think keeping a private diary is too boring? And you want everyone to know how your day went, but actually no ‘cause you wanna hide your identity? Yeah, that’s it. Like ‘If I can tell the world how much I hate this person, without letting them know who I am, and I can just safely say everything without anything to worry about, why not?’ So yeah. I talked too much lol.
As for the title here, it just makes me cry inside everytime I lose a game. Or let’s just say remember and think to myself how hard I suck. Yeah, apparently, I’m playing a single game right now and I want to focus on it, be good at it, and be proud of myself IF EVER I get good at it. You could say it’s my passion, absolutely, ‘cause no matter how many times I say I hate it, I still play it. Speaking of which, no matter how many times I play it, I still play like shit. Not to mention the amount of trashtalk that I receive, the massive number of toxic people in the game. It’s just so stressful to me. Everytime I die, everytime I lose, I just feel so helpless and hopeless. It maybe because I’m just in the beginning, but isn’t this too much? Is it really supposed to be like this? How long do I have to stay being shit?
Every bad game I could just feel my energy gradually dropping, it’s like my soul separating from my body, I feel empty and about to float lmfao. It might appear to everyone that I’m taking this too seriously, or that I’m too sensitive, or I’m a crybaby for such a small thing. But, in my defense, this game means a lot to me, or rather, doing good at it. Istg I’ll jump off a building if I achieve what I desire. What do I desire? Nothing but to play like a real human with his brain 100% working and with his good mechanical skills being manifested.
I’ve always come to that point where I ‘nearly’ give up, and say I’m foolish for trying to do what I obviously can’t, and I’ll never prove anything to anyone. That no matter how I try hard, if I lack the skill, I can never be good at it. They say things can work if you work hard, but nothing just seems to happen to me. I just get stomped and crushed by people, it’s just unfair. I literally never had a single game where I popped off. It’s frustrating, disappointing, everything.
If someone actually read this, don’t mind it and keep going with your life! Have a good day and take care of yourself always. :D
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