random thoughts in A New Journey

Good Afternoon, I have been doing my online classes and just keeping myself busy here at home well at my boyfriend house. It’s been nice and quiet and strange for me too. I do miss my own apt as I have all my stuff there and it’s an hour and half away. Been here now 3 weeks as of today and we get along pretty well. NO complaints. Well that is a lie, I have a few little complaints. There are a few things that erks me of things that he/Boyd does and I have mentioned to him and he still doing the little things that bother me but then I am trying to let it go and just understand its his house and not make it a big deal.
The little things are like he does not flush the toilet when he pees, leaves the cabinet doors open when he gets something out. Am I over exaggerating on things like that??
SO today I have been a little stressed about my DR appointment on Monday as its in Casper, an hour and half from me and I had plans to leave Sunday and go to the appointment on Monday, but I called them and asked them about my traveling as I am several autoimmune diseases and I was told by my DR not to get out at all and to try to avoid at all cost to travel and stay HOME!!
SO I was able to do a over the phone call at 8:40 AM call from the DR and we will go over all my problems and meds and go from there! SO I was happy about that news, then the next stress level came up of where I will get my medicines when we finish our phone calls as I have pain meds and several other meds for my other health issues so I get online and check for locations of any pharmacy near me.
Let me share this before I go on further about the medicines. I live/staying in a VERY small town with the population of under 800 people and the nearest towns are over 30 miles, so I called my old boss in Casper who I used to work for in the pharmacy as I used to deliver meds to people to there own homes. SO I was getting stressed on how I was going to get my meds to me for next week. SO I filled out an online home delivery from a place an hour from here and NO CALLS from them as of 3 hours ago from now. SO I continue to look for more info and low and behold this little town has their own little pharmacy and clinic, YAY!! SO I called them and more info and I can get them next week as they only have the pharmacy opened 2 days a week, that is ok for now. SO that is off my list of things I am working on.
SO here is the big thing that been on my mind. SO I have met the love of my life and we talked about me moving in but we had wanted to wait til I finished my lease as it ends in August and we had it all planned for that time I would move in. NOW this pandemic has all of us on the edge. SO I have been here now 3 weeks and we are doing well together. Wyoming is doing so well with the LOWEST number of COVID-19 cases and no deaths so far in our state. and NO stay in home orders. I am feeling the pressure to move in now, I am feeling like I will lose all my independence. (NO really, he has told me I am free to do anything I want) but will that change in a year from now. I have been on my own for now 5 years and I have loved my total freedom and my own independency.
SO Boyd has been very clear to me that I can do what I please to do and visit my family whenever I want. I trust him and I feel safe with him but my mind is like am I ready to live with a man again after 25 years of abuse. TRUST me I know Boyd will not do any kind of abuse to me as he shows NO signs at all of that nature.
I am ready for the relationship and don’t want to be alone but then I think of my own space has been very nice.
I am very constricting right??
Fear is normal right!!
Maybe I am just feeling less cuz I don’t have MY Things here yet!
I can’t move out of my place early as I signed a year lease and I have to finish it as it will protect my credit if I ever have to move out again as I don’t think that will ever happen as I feel very good about US!! ITS if something happens to him and my name not being on his house mortgage will I be able to stay here if we don’t get married ASAP as I don’t want to get married yet.
Yeah my mind is going thru 1000’s things of worries.
WHO WOULDN”T at this time of quarantine event!!
SO I just need to really sit down with BOYD and tell him all my fears and our future plans. yikes!!
I know things will manage well. BUT I need more encouragements!!

MY daughter has been really upsetting me lately, she has not either called me or even see if I am ok since I left. Well that is nothing different really even before all this she only called when she NEEDS something. SO I don’t know why I am even letting myself feel this way. I will text here and then her messages comes 1 or 2 days later… LIKE really why this late!!
SO I am going to have to have a huge talk and see what’s going on here!! I think with her husband he has been in more control of her since this quarantine has been happening. Her husband and I do not see eye to eye at all. I see my daughter as what I was going thru at ther age as she is now 35 years old and I didn’t leave my abusive ex husband until I had just turned 40 years old a week before my 40th birthday. I can only pray for my daughter. SO I just need to stand back and let her figure it all out herself. BUT I worry about my grandkids and now I know what my mother went thru at that time. She let me go and didn’t contact me until I was HOME from Texas when I left my abusive marriage in 2004.

Wel I need to get off and get things done before its the weekend.
ITS now warming up as we got 4 inches of snow and the sun is already melting and I need to get out and smell the air!!
Have a great wonderful weekend!!

Take Care