Sh*t week in What's Happening

If there is anyone at work that I haven’t met yet and they’ve only ever witnessed the version of me at the vending machine, they definitely think I’m a psychopath.

It’s not my fault. The vending machine hates me.

This morning I was walking in and I decided I wanted to get a package of pistachios.

I put my money in the machine and punched in the numbers. Somehow I could just sense that the machine was going to try to rip me off right after I let go of that last number.

The spiral coil started turning and instantly I could see that the ratio of coil-spinage to the distance the snack was going to need to travel for its departure wasn’t adding up.

If my snack machine math was correct I was going to be left with a pistachio cliff hanger.

My blood started to boil already and the machine didn’t even finish ripping me off yet.

Well guess what: I might as well have a PhD in vending machine mathematics. The coil stopped turning and my bag of nuts was still hanging there; somehow defying the laws of physics and taunting me.

“YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!” I said in my morning voice.

I grabbed the machine and started shaking it.

PLUNK! .... the bag of nuts finally fell out. I pulled a muscle in my neck though during the freak out and I’ve been suffering with it all day.

That’s how I started my day off. I just ended it by spilling a pint of water on my bed so now I’m going to try and sleep on the couch. I might take some sleeping meds and try to sleep all weekend.

I’ll try and check in on Sunday night.

Last updated March 27, 2020