Here I am again, back in the digital diary world. I haven’t seriously tried this since the Xanga and Open Diary days. When my grandma died in December, she left behind a paper journal. It was small but it spanned a few years. Some entries were happy, but a majority of them weren’t. She struggled with Crohn’s disease and adult children who couldn’t get their lives together. My dad didn’t feel right reading it, but I enjoyed it. It reminded me of a few things:
1) It doesn’t matter how often you write, only that you do. Not every day has to be memorable. In fact, writing every day isn’t necessarily something you (or anyone else) will want to read back.
2) Pain needs an outlet. Pain can be inspiring. Some of the most beautiful songs and poems are products of pain. It’s important to put your feelings and thoughts somewhere to give them an outlet, somewhere to take root other than your mind.
So, I started a paper diary. As my daughter (20 months old) grows, I attempt to write down the numerous little memorable things that she does. A few lines here, a few lines there. No pressure. Then this pandemic happened. I feel like it’s important to record what’s going on. I started it in my paper journal. I’ll spend a few minutes writing, my hand hurting terribly (guess I lost the muscles? Haha), all the doom and gloom details of the day. I have nowhere to post the memes that actually make me smile each day in the midst of the anxiety. I have nowhere to post bits of articles that articulate what I’m trying to say. So, here we are.
Ugh, I feel like I’ve lost so much time. Do I start over? Do I recap where I’ve been? How do I manage two journals? Bear with me.