Hi peoples.
For a while now, I have thought that I should find someplace online to write a kind of journal. When I experience the fascinating phenomenon also known as ‘having thoughts’, I tend to either carry out an internal monologue for lengthy periods of time of write them in my phone’s notebook app. However, monologuing can only get you so far and writing stuff nobody will read feels kinda sad, to be honest. (Not that people are going to line up to read my stuff in here, but at least it’s public. I like to think that at least a single person will stumble upon this and read it through, if not for other reasons then at least out of boredom.) Making my thoughts available to the public forces me to organize my thoughts and make them understandable to others, which makes them more understandable to me as well. So yeah, for me this place is mostly going to serve as a mental garbage dump, with the occasional shitpost-y idea I might get at 3am.
For anyone who might wish to know, a small introduction. I am a 20-year old university student in Finland, miserable with my studies and currently doing my best to switch to another subject. I live in a student housing place in the big city where I study, but will be most likely spending the foreseeable future here at my parents’ in the boondocks because of the lovely virus going around. Much more tolerable to be socially isolating with my family than all by myself in a tiny-ass apartment with nothing to do except for studying online and watching Netflix.
But since this was supposed to be an introduction, more information for your enjoyment: As far as gender and sexuality are concerned, I’m confused more than anything. I’m asexual and aromantic, probably. It’s hard to prove the nonexistence of anything, especially since nobody has thus far been able to define having a crush as anything else than “you just know when you have one”. I don’t. Similarly, I go by a woman by default but am starting to question that as well, since I feel next to no connection to being one and nobody has defined what being a woman actually means. I kind of feel like so many things people base their identities on are completely absent in me and I’m just. A person. Oh well, guess that’s going to be one of the things I’ll be mind-dumping stuff about into here.
To build my identity on something else though, I’d say I’m a creative person. I love having multiple different kinds of creative outlets, maybe most importantly dancing and singing. I’m bit of a jack of all trades, master of none, so I dabble in quite a few forms of art but wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m ‘good’ in any of them. I draw, write stories and the occasional bits of poetry, I play a few instruments, sometimes try to make songs or choreographies and eventually scrap them halfway, I knit as a coping mechanism to stay awake during long-ass lectures, all kinds of stuff. I can be a bit over-critical when it comes to artistic stuff, so by some standards I might be pretty good at any of those things. Not by mine, though, there’s always someone better than me to be like. No idea if it’s a good or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.
Btw, I can solve a rubix cube in, like, 2 minutes.
It’s close to 4am and I should be sleeping. Good thing school is all homework and no lectures nowadays. We can all hope that whatever I write next will be less of a trainwreck than whatever this pile of words was.
It probably won’t.
Lizard, out.
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