Itching in A Life Uncommon

I oughta be working some but I just ate lunch and I feel like I should start typing before the ideas just explode out of my ears.

Man, wouldn't that be a sight?

I digress.

Some pushing and proding left me realizing I was stagnant, stuck, allowing the cycle of negativity to keep washing over me, and while I was surviving, I wasn't making any efforts to stand up and breathe.

I'm starting with small things, like getting dressed every day and smiling more. I am making an effort to speak with kindness and love, and to limit my negativity. I am tired of being the grumpy angry Paula that no one wants to see or be around - I am a marvelous person and I deserve to show that off!

I....might have indulged in some shopping but it's all for the better. Self confidence is just as important as anything else, right?

This morning I was pondering things further, like how to get myself re-centered and get back on course with my want to become a doula. This isn't just something I want to do, it's something I crave. And I deserve it! Do you hear me, world? I deserve this.

So here I sat, and I opened my email. A random ad from Etsy, and I didn't MEAN to click it, but I did. On the landing page was this beautiful Chakra Mala bracelet, practically screaming for my attention. HEY PAULA, if you want to be centered, you need to make time to get centered. If you want to be focused, you need to allow yourself the practice of becoming focused.

A huge part of my spirituality (I can't really say religion, can I?) is the belief that the Universe is not only an independent energy, but also that it reacts to our energies. Essentially what you pour in is what you can receive, or that is how I like to see it anyhow. Good begats good, negative begats negative, and I cannot simply expect these answers to fall into my lap without putting my efforts into finding them. I can't just desire my focus, I need to achieve it.

This is a good thing, a good progression of my thoughts today. The last few days have been better and better, and I feel like this morning was the Universe hugging me and telling me that I am going to survive this, I am going to stand up and breathe.

A yoga studio just opened up in town. My mother offered to come watch the kids on Monday morning - so I am going to see if there is a class that morning. Yoga is something I've actually come to enjoy, even if I suck at it and my flexibility is handicapped by my back. I should stop thinking that way though, I am not handicapped by my back. I am limited in some things, but stronger in others.

I still birthed a breech baby at home, didn't I? Suck it, handicap.

So I'm asking a friend who does beadwork to make me my own personalized chakra bracelet, and I am going to apply my focus and footing. I am going to stand up and breathe. And I am going to be okay.