Writing it here so hopefully I don't wimp out and actually run the whole ten miles. If I'm going to do the marathon in May I need to uses these last few weeks to get some long runs in. Next week, I'll do a 12, then a 14. then a 16, then 12, then another 16. I have to look and see exactly what I can get in. I've done well that past two weeks getting back on track running wise. I did miss one run on Monday, but I was truly sick. Tuesday's run sucked because I was still recovering, but I got it done. I feel like the smart thing to do would be to go down to the half, and run another full in the fall. The cold weather, and me not running enough on the treadmill has put me behind where I need to be. Paces and distances that were easy in November feel like a challenge now.
I'm also up almost ten pounds from where I was last year. I seem to be stuck. It irritates me that I've really cleaned up my eating and the scale refuses to budge. And I know it's not muscle gain, my clothes don't fit right anymore, and there are a few pairs of jeans I can't wear right now because of muffin top.
My husband likes some extra weight on me, he would be happy if I gained another 15 pounds. Some days I really want to say fuck it, I want to just never exercise ever again, and eat what I want.
I read all these fitness/health blogs and people are always posting the stuff they eat. First, I want to know how they get their husband/kids to eat that stuff. No way would my husband touch it. Then I always hear people talk about oh, once you start eating healthy, you crave healthy foods. Well, I guess that isn't the case with me. I don't go to the store and think, oh, green beans, apples, chicken breast, brown rice, yum. I think brownies, donuts, Ben and Jerry's, frosted sugar cookies, cupcakes. That's the stuff I want to put in my cart. Oh, and on Tuesday, I had a Big Mac and Fries for the first time in over a year. Yes, I went over a year without a single fry passing through my lips, and you know what, they are still as good as they were then.
I just get so pissed and wonder why I bother, no one but me cares how far I run, or how fast I run. My husband accuses me of being vain and trying to look like a teenager because I want to maintain a healthy weight. Maybe if I had a workout buddy it would be better. Someone I could talk to about running and working out, someone to meet up with for runs, but I don't. I'm a very shy person, and I don't really have any friends.
This is turning into a pity party, I think I'm going to read for a while. I got the book Labor Day on my Kindle yesterday. I read about 12% last nigh, so far I like it.
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