I feel that I have been trapped beneath glass, capable of looking out and seeing. Screaming, at times, but my voice contained coolly and completely. A witness to unspeakable things, and all the while I am working on myself and my situation, but in the end I remain beneath the glass surface. I could break it, but the world will then shatter and damage far beyond my own will be done.
And I don’t believe there will be any picking up of those pieces should it occur.
Honestly, I’ve changed so much I don’t recognize myself anymore. I feel I am hardly even a shadow of myself.
Some nuanced reflection.
I’ve never been better.
I’ve never been healthier.
I’ve never been as good a person as I am today.
It’s been so much hard work on my part for the past three years.
And yet I look around and I think I am so far from civilization.
No one sees me.
I am beneath the looking glass, left only to do that.
And so I keep working.
It’s got to matter to someone.
March 1, 2020