why the fuck is he still on my mind? he just wanted to make out and that’s it. it wasn’t anything too intense, but i wanted it to be. i want him. i’m back at square one where i need to find someone to distract me from him. god i just want him. he makes me feel safe with him. when he lays on my chest and sleeps on me, when i play with his hair, when he rubs my hand. god i want him so bad. it hurts. but it also makes me angry. my friends have either been like, “do what you want” or “you’re stupid”
but he’s my “ex” for a reason, but something keeps drawing me to him. anytime i hear drop from our windows by mccafferty, i think of him and his affection. i hear it in my head when i think of him. i want him to be mine, but i know he only hung out with me to try to get in my pants.
i wrote a note for myself last year because of this very reason, if he tries to hit me up again. i threw it out a couple months ago because i told myself i would never let him talk to me like that again, yet here we are.
i set him and a couple other guys i miss to be the only ones that see my snapchat story. so they can see what i want them to and no one else. i crave male attention, but specifically his. i want him to be mine, to constantly think about me. but he doesn’t, and why would he.
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