Silver Satan

I am a girl. Writing because I cannot not write. That's all there is to it that's all there is to me. You can call me Jinn or Demon.

How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words.

David Foster Wallace -The Pale King

Entries 436

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1 day ago

Photos in Dead Words

1 day ago

Friday in Dead Words

I keep posting my CBT entries public and I don’t mean to. Not that I have any deep dark secrets but they are really just lists of what I’ve done that day, what’s happened, and how I feel or techn...

Pulling on the reigns and trying to redirect myself. The last few days I’ve been down and today I needed a change. A cup of tea now that I’ve showered might make all the difference. Now pause so ...

The door bell sounded and me still half asleep and quite naked sat up beneath the cover of the futon and swallowed a curse mixed with foggy dreams. It took me a solid minute to even realize it wa...

4 days ago

Ball of Light in Dead Words

My therapist told me to envision a stream of light to help with my anxiety… She took me through a guided meditation… She took me through two guided meditations… She made me do a breathing excessi...

So yesterday we were in the kroger parking lot when the smart chip in the truck key crumbled into glass and small metal bits. We had a truck full of groceries and it was pouring down rain. We end...

5 days ago

Life in Dead Words

Well today was eventful, after a stop at kroger we find out the electronic part of the truck key was broke while X was at work as it shattered in his pocket while we were shopping. This means we ...

5 days ago

Learning ASL in Dead Words

First week of learning ASL and I’ve learned the alphabet and a few words. I took the weekend off because there was a lot to do with family on Sat and on Sun I slept the day away. I spent the days...

6 days ago

Awake or Not in Dead Words

Yesterday me and the family spent all day playing poker well until late at night. It has resulted in me sleeping most of today away even though I woke up earlyish I ended up going back to sleep t...

It’s late and I didn’t really get time to write today because I’ve spent the whole day with family doing the lawn and playing games. So here’s a picture of Jupiter since I haven’t posted one in s...

April 14, 2017

Books! in Dead Words

I am reading so many books, so many books that I think I’ve lost one or two in the shuffle o.O Then there are the series I am in between books on. I’m reading like five series right now. My brain...

April 14, 2017

Good Morning in Dead Words

When I went to bed last night I used my mala. Even though I had promised myself I wouldn’t weigh myself down by forcing it. I don’t know if it was that or using it in the morning making my day so...

April 13, 2017

ASL in Dead Words

I am going to slowly teach myself ASL at least for as long as I can manage. I have the time during the day and I don’t know why but I keep being drawn to it. Even though my hands feel awkward and...

April 13, 2017

Trust and Love in Dead Words

I don’t know why I ever stopped meditating each morning when I use my mala I am always happier, more focused, and more productive. Even my low energy days can be become more productive than my da...

April 12, 2017

A win in Dead Words

Music can sooth the soul, but can it also heal it? Sometimes I feel as though it’s the only thing that can reach deep enough. I’ve been struggling lately to come up with the words to say what I’m...

April 10, 2017

Trying for pep in Dead Words

I showered I ate and I still fill like shit. At least I got some writing done. This business of being happy one day and too depressed to live life the next is for the birds, but I am grateful tha...

April 10, 2017

Another Entry in Dead Words

It’s been a couple of low energy days over here as everyone in the house seems bogged down by sleeplessness and a chronic “don’t want it” Attitude. Still things are chugging along and we’ve been ...

April 08, 2017

Wondrous Things in Dead Words

Perfect mornings start with sex and a cup of lavender earl grey tea. Yesterday I spent the day watching X and my father put up the back fence with a guy from work. It means so much to me they get...

April 07, 2017

Dud in Dead Words

Today has been a low energy day. I pretty much laid in bed and read it away. I guess I could take a shower and jump on the treadmill or even head to the park. I could do the dishes, and make the ...

April 06, 2017

Rogue Thoughts in Dead Words

I went to visit my mother’s grave with my sister and her husband. It was nice but made me think more than ever I’d like to have a picnic out there and really honor my connection to her my uncle a...

April 05, 2017

A lazy day in Dead Words

Woke up no energy. Took a shower started the laundry still no energy. The idea of going to the park gave me high anxiety. I went anyway took the dog. Go me. My legs still hurt from yesterday so ...

April 04, 2017

And I'm Back in Dead Words

Back into counseling, and back doing CBT with appointments every other week. I had the option of meeting her every week but because I didn’t want it to be too hard on my ride I chose every other....

April 04, 2017

Couldn't Sleep in Dead Words

Couldn’t sleep, which is one of the reasons I wanted the medication I asked for in the first place. Hold up let me try therapy and see if that helps me sleep when a fist full of Risperdal isn’t w...

April 02, 2017

Rainy Day in Dead Words

The rain pours down a cool baptism of healing promises made to heal past wounds. The red flowers bow their heads their pointed petals weeping. Small tides wash past the pavement and every blade o...

March 31, 2017

Climbing Out in Dead Words

A new breath of air, a little stronger in the fight. Each day lately seems to be pulling me further and further out of whatever depression I had fallen into. Maybe these new meds will be stronge...

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