Echoes to the evolution

Some kind of wanderer who finds solace in the absurd.

Entries 167

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I knew I wasn’t well last week. Sometimes I get confused as to whether its my instability that leads me to decisions, or if it’s just genuinely my heart and soul telling me what direction I want ...


January 10, 2019

Cha-ching in Crossing the void

I swung my pendulum – it may have landed in a place. Or it could be Kobie just looking for escape in adventure. But we shall see. I have applied to participate in an around the world yacht race ...


Its uncertain days where the world seems to move through translucent skin, empty, without scent. An inevitable comedown from the new beginnings, the running from a self, the dislocation of souls ...


December 17, 2018

inward bound. in Crossing the void

I’ve had a very interesting series of weeks and I suppose in a way, transformative. There is much to talk about and much to write as always. I’ll save the Bali and meditation/yoga adventure entry...


November 19, 2018

Dottered. in Crossing the void

I promise to expand when not under the pump from work. I did start to write an entry on the weekend and ran out of time as I was late to mentor my youth justice kid. FYI – he is doing well and ke...


Goddamn mental health is a very fickle thing. Like some kind of secret flower blooming in the bush in all its glory to then shrivel by the end of the day with the great weight of heat and life en...


Something inside of me kicked off a little bit. Maybe re-awoke? Not entirely sure what it was to be honest. Noda (the BDSM/torture garden friend of mine) and I have been in touch quite a lot of l...


I don’t like therapy. Or do I? I don’t know. I feel like I have run a race every time that I get out of there – like I need to take a breath and release all of the adrenalin that has jumbled and ...


October 11, 2018

Wounded birds. in Crossing the void

Attracting wounded birds. This was how I was described the other day, in a reference to the people that I end up with. Funny that, because as a child, birds literally used to come to me to die. ...


We speak on the phone every night. It’s routine. I have seen him only once since he turned up to my place drunk. When I did see him, I told him that I didn’t want any intimacy as I was in a space...


October 03, 2018

Loop di loop in Crossing the void

I haven’t really talked to anyone about this. At all. I feel I guess, that I would be betraying him somehow – and painting him in some kind of misshapen light. I don’t have bad things to say abou...


September 30, 2018

Click clack in Crossing the void

The best friend, my Mousey – was pregnant. She had to go to Prague for a conference and found out the day before. She let me know. And then 72 hours later she had a miscarriage. All the way on th...


We were scheduled to hang out on Sunday. He just messaged that he can’t make that now, as he is flying to the gold coast for training all next week. I am also flying to the gold coast and stayin...


Could be something, could be nothing. Those who have read me for some time may recall a boy that I used to bounce around Europe with on all kinds of hedonistic adventures. We had been friends fo...


I could write a lot about the entire weekend. But in essence, we reconnected. We took a ferry across to Watson’s bay and wandered around in the brilliant sunshine and skin whipping wind. I had mo...


The night ran through itself in a series of dreamscapes, cut sharply with visions of Mum, of her death of floating between reality of her being gone and trying desperately to reach out and hold o...


A little bit a day. I promised myself. I almost started typing about the damn weather – that’s how awkward I am with myself these days. I can’t even start a conversation with myself without tryi...


I never gave Mum credit, for being so organised about her death. I think part of me just didn’t want to buy in to the conversation with her, because it meant it was going to be real. But I think ...


June 26, 2018

Five. in Crossing the void

Most days I sit down to write. And I do, on occasion, manage to rat-a-tat-tat some words on to a page. Usually though, I stop. I think that inevitably I am concerned for the tsunami that I know i...


** edit: How quickly we forget. After saving this entry I saw on the right hand side a link to “on this day” … and it took me back to Mother’s day 2015: https://www.prosebox.net/entry/297935/ I f...


April 15, 2018

Step in time. in Crossing the void

This was written last week, but it’s the eve of what would have been Mum’s 73rd birthday, so I figured to post in now. It’s been quite some time since I sat down to pen thoughts at an airport. ...


April 06, 2018

Of the dust. in Crossing the void

I had every intention of coming in here and reading and catching up on everyone the other night, and instead just sat in the living room with my housemate watching ridiculous TV. I guess I needed...


Lots has been happening on this side of the pond. Something clicked deep inside of me the other day about the ex. I had the house to myself for the first time in a long time and no plans to do a...


January 24, 2018

Dangle danger. in Crossing the void

Huh. It was a dangled carrot dance thrown at me in perhaps the last moments of despair and facing imminent loss – but the idea and the seed was planted there. That he had a ring size chart, getti...


I met with the ex on Friday to cement the break up. I was nervous but also happy in a strange kind of way and excited to see him. It was a very odd mix of emotions. I hadn’t wanted to think too m...


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