bees (he/him)
my thoughts are as volatile as alcohol and so is my existence the day I go under there wont even be a ripple on the pond to remind you of me
Entries 36
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Lonely is a sound you can hear. Its something sticky on your skin. It fills the room, settles between the shadows. But, it gives you time to breathe again. Still, it is lonely. Some music unde...
At first the quiet was spacious. Then it became deep. I can feel how easily depth turns into an abyss. The quiet still nourishes me, but it has begun to develop gravity. I dont want to lose the...
Casa Rosso in My Life
Tonight I had my first official friend over for dinner in my house. It is a friend I really love. We spoke about our struggles in life. I appreciate him. I have written about him before, “Moonl...
Coming home in My Life
Flying back, I had the red wine. I always do, a lot, because its free. Some old student mentality still lives in me, I guess. I picked an aisle seat. I like not feeling trapped. I like being abl...
I meant to download my entries after my vacation. I kept putting it off, like it would still be there when I was ready. Now i’s gone. Im sad about it. More than I expected. My friend Cassandra...
it hurts i have such a desperate longing for you to be happy as the seasons are changing and autumn leaves turn yellow once more i can’t help but feel a quiet desolation as we are drifting apar...
D(eparture) Day in My Life
S gets her keys on Monday. She’s doing some painting, having someone put in a new floor. I won’t see any of it, I dont care. Ordered a new vacuum cleaner today.
Same Sky, Different Storm in My Life
S is moving out in October. Times creeping, and I dont know how I will feel when it hits. I tell myself I will be okay, but emotions are like the weather, hard to predict. Sunny one minute, then...
Same Sky, Different Storm in My Life
S is moving out in October. Times creeping, and I dont know how I will feel when it hits. I tell myself I will be okay, but emotions are like the weather, hard to predict. Sunny one minute, then...
Its Been a while in My Life
Anybody know what happened to H. Majesty T. Mudfish Queen? Its been some time and I am trying to reconnect....
Project Valhalla – And So It Started in My Life
It took two Saturdays – grinding down the old balcony wood, then sealing it with protective oil – but it was all worth it. The wood is just so spectacularly beautiful. This is Project Valhall...
Mushroom Fridays in My Life
Clinical Report – Session: Mushroom Friday – June 20, 2025 Subject: XXX van XXX Session Context: Psychedelic self-exploration via psilocybin (approx. 15g fresh Mother’s Finest strain), accompani...
Just to be, enough in My Life
Isn’t the world beautiful? The street I live on, with its green. How could I ever have thought of leaving this wonderful place? Just to be here, to feel the quiet of leaves above the soft rumble...
Ginger Bug in My Life
When I listen to Eric Saties his music, everything else becomes quiet… The rumble, the distractions, the shoulds, they fall away. And when I really listen, every note stands on its own. No harmo...
She's Leaving in My Life
When I said I couldn’t give more, she called it “extortion.” That hit hard. I think we’ve passed the Rubicon. Not out of anger. Just… something’s shifted. I did what I could. I thought we were...
Talking points for Sunday in My Life
Set the Boundaries: - I’ll continue covering the bills, and in return, you handle the household tasks. Define the Limits: - Beyond that, let’s keep it simple, no extras or additional financial ...
Talking points for Sunday in My Life
Set the Boundaries: - I’ll continue covering the bills, and in return, you handle the household tasks. Define the Limits: - Beyond that, let’s keep it simple, no extras or additional financial ...
Seperating in My Life
When we went to Bert for the second time on Tuesday, I already knew the chances of me and him really talking about my emotions were about as likely as him pulling a rabbit out of his cap. It fel...
A Beautiful Afternoon in My Life
I look outside and see sunlit green leaves silhouetted against a beautiful blue summer sky. They drift gently in the breeze, just beyond the window. And as they move, a quiet loneliness washes o...
Its my birthday in My Life
I can cry if I want to… so i treated my self to some shrooms… am i allowed to say it in here? is this beautiful, or am i tripping? its hard for me to tell what is real and what is not… ...
Useful Idiots in My Life
Modern pro-war propaganda is slick as hell. They don’t need posters of Uncle Sam anymore, they’ve got influencers, emotionally manipulative content, heroic narratives, and simplified good-vs-e...
Grace, I miss you. Are you okay? I ask this not out of habit, but from the deepest corners of my heart. Are you okay? The world feels vast without you, empty in all the wrong places. Wherever ...
Chasing the Demon in My Life
One day, the song that consumed your soul suddenly feels like nothing. Like all the magic bled out of it overnight. It’s not even a gradual fade, it’s just done. And that void, that restless, it...
This is what it all was for in My Life
This is what it all was for. Third door on the left, if you dare… This was ten years of my life. So hit me. Hard. Put me down on the curb. Make me need to get up again.
How Much Retro is Too Much? in My Life
How much retro is too much? For me, I crank the dial up until my eyes hurt, then turn it down a notch. That’s the sweet spot. Retro’s magic is in its excess, but the key is knowing when to stop....
