psio ⋅ 20

Face your life: its pain, its pleasure. Leave no path untaken.

Neil Gaiman

Entries 34

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October 07, 2020

nozick in Nothing in Particular

in all the worlds existing, how many times would i complete the circuit? to live with threads frayed everywhere, grasping at seams, or to be perfectly symmetrical? everything was promised in that...


October 03, 2020

untitled in Nothing in Particular

It’s a little - stilted how the rain drops from the tree to my nose and the automatic door slides open. Everywhere, the air rings. if I listen, it shatters; if I reach down to mend my wounds, the...


“I’ve been feeling like shit this summer, but this feels so… rejuvanating. Maybe that’s it - I used to swim so much in the summers. There was this outdoor pool I used to go to, and it was disgust...


June 12, 2020

ramble in Nothing in Particular

I don’t know what the next few years are going to look like. I don’t want to live at home, but I would feel at peace knowing I could support my parents more. On the other hand, I’d have to transf...


June 09, 2020

Last Week in Nothing in Particular

It is midnight, and I’m taking the bus home. Sophia, the nurse, waves to me as I arrive at the stop. Her long blonde hair sways with the rush of air as the bus arrives. Only about half of the peo...


April 26, 2020

Current in Nothing in Particular

Yesterday, I did an eight-hour screening shift followed by a four-hour evening in the kitchen. I’m so oddly fortunate to have work right now – besides, the government also just announced a substa...


Thank god for fear that shakes me so violently. Thank god its tendrils curl a sudden cut into me. What would I be if it were a slow, meandering hum behind me? It would fester away in its own thri...


Today a tiny middle-aged woman in a pink coat hurried in with a bouquet of flowers and a cake. After I screened her and took her temperature - as we must with all drop-offs - she ran outside to h...


B. is more beautiful and brilliant than anyone I could have imagined. He cares so much about the weight of things, the beauty of life – he’s so sentimental, but so smart, too. I used to get so mu...


April 08, 2020

Chipped in Nothing in Particular

Let me give up so much to be less - to lose time to a comatose sleep, or to give up a part to have more time. to feel less panic. This dissolving of myself to make things move slowly. I’m used t...


April 01, 2020

Do I? in Nothing in Particular

The body sprawls on the earth exhausted - skin skimmed by the concrete. And she looks so beautiful, And she looks so at home, Sinking bank towards the core in languid embrace like that. I feel h...


March 24, 2020

The Year in Nothing in Particular

There are times he just talks and talks about his friends and I don’t say a word. Not that he seems to notice much - sometimes, B. just wants someone to talk at. I think he knows how alone I’ve b...


It’s hard for everyone - to wake up and remember who you are, how much you’re missing. The mystery is why it breaks me down like this; why can’t I pick up the burden from my shoulders and set it ...


March 21, 2020

20 in Nothing in Particular

Every birthday, I examine myself as though I’ll find something new that’s appeared on me overnight, as a child looks for money from the tooth fairy under their pillow. I stood like this for minut...


I started experiencing flu-like symptoms after arrival, went straight to the hospital, and spent all night waiting for testing - after travelling for… oh god, let’s see. - A full afternoon and e...


I travelled alone during my last few days in India. I’m looking forward to being back in Canada, where I’m not stared at so constantly. There is a curious stare I don’t mind - the gentle, eager s...


I arrived at his place the morning before my flight. I took the bus while half-awake and walked down to the subway, past that tall, glittering building with golden scales. When I arrived, he was...


February 24, 2020

Old-New? in Nothing in Particular

John seemed like my old friend shapshifted into someone with lighter hair, more interest in music than in science, and less of an obvious penchant for dad jokes. I’ve never met two people with su...


February 20, 2020

Sticky in Nothing in Particular

How does the lie sit in my mind like such a monument? I know that nothing ever happened, and I know that I was anxious enough at the time to fabricate a good betrayal story for myself. I know all...


February 18, 2020

pre-India in Nothing in Particular

I have spent the last few days holed up in my room, being almost completely unproductive and blissfully happy. Nothing has interrupted my time inside but work and house showings. (Isn’t it strang...


As a child, I was convinced that my father knew everything. He was a high school science teacher, but I proclaimed to my friends that he was a scientist. If I asked him why the sky was blue, he w...


February 09, 2020

Halfways-Here in Nothing in Particular

View post on imgur.com Some nights I’m a little halfways-here. I write in cursive over huge sheets of blank paper or rearrange the photos on my wall. I put on makeup after I’ve taken off all my ...


February 08, 2020

Evening Shift in Nothing in Particular

James turned to me as he was about to wash his hands. “Whoa, is this, like, soap here?” He is motioning to the typically industrial-looking soap dispenser located directly above the sink. “Yes, t...


I have to give another little slice of my soul away to the scientists for them to make me a new clone. However, I’ve already given them a soul-piece to have a clone made. She needs to help me wit...


February 02, 2020

Empty Pub in Nothing in Particular

No one else is in this bar now. If I finish the glass, I am out of here. I’d rather stay here on the soft couches and the dim lights, staring off into the wall. There is a shelf filled with board...


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