lilyofthenile ⋅
On a journey of healing inwardly (the soul & spirit) and outwardly (physical self & community). Struggling with emotional pain, and trying to create a fresh, new, and loving life for myself despite my issues. Sharing love, kindness, and my goal is to inspire strength and empowerment with others... Being a flower in Baha'u'llah's garden!
O SON OF SPIRIT! Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created. -Baha'u'llah
Entries 23
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It’s been rough. I am up and down. Trying to figure this thing called life out. Trying to work through my grief. I can’t believe my brother is gone. I talked to my mother and she said the kids ne...
My older brother died 1.5 weeks ago. I am heartbroken and am far from family. I did go home for the funeral, and I hated going back under those circumstances. He was murdered. I knew it would hap...
lessons, pain, patterns in Journal
Clearly, I have not learned well enough yet, but I have learned a little. I got involved with yet another man, a Narc who was out to use me, needing me to play along with the fantasy he created t...
have mercy on me in Journal
I have moved to another state. I am a liar. I have no friends. I have tried to pursue a path of righteousness. I am a waste of breath. I am overweight. I used the last of my beauty and youth on a...
wrong motives in Journal
So. I kept speaking with Johnny. He is so nice but to be honest with our large age gap, I am not sure it will work. As you age the thrill of relationships are not a thing anymore. I feel like he ...
family ties in Journal
i am dating. kind of. me and “johnny” have been speaking and it has been going pretty God. Only thing is that he is a therapist. hmmmm and I am all over the place. I feel like I am constantly bei...
Failing Dreams in Journal
My dream was to always go to college. For Social Work, Education, or Counseling. I think I have finally found a small and beautiful Christian college. I would like to study the Elementary Educati...
Christ, Sophia and a laying on of hands in Journal
I am SO confused. I really love Gnostic Christianity, I love the background Christianity gave me, BUT I agree with Ntzoake Shange when she said: “we need a god who bleeds now a god whose wounds a...
I guess I am judgemental in Journal
To be honest. I want to send letters to American Soldiers, I even wrote one that was 4 pages. I looked to get the addresses, and when looking at all the bios, everyone wanted packages which I wou...
is it lifting? in Journal
I feel like things are starting to possibly seem clearer. my depression and family stress turn me into someone that I don’t recognize. Working makes me hate life, at least the few jobs that I hav...
I love God, but sometimes, I don’t love myself. I have been a blasphemer. God forgive me, Jesus stay with me. I love you, I adore you. Abba, how ungrateful I have been, I beg of you not take away...
and it's today... in Journal
Welp, time has passed and yada yada has happened. I have been on my new meds for about a month now, and I think I am more depressed, but at the same time I feel as if it is making me more “clear”...
The career we should all aim for in Journal
So, I have been so focused on finding a career, finding a job, and it all was so confusing and depressing, but truth is, I want to be a warrior of truth, and I want my career, to be kind, and do...
If i drop most my false beliefs which surely do torment me everyday, giving me false hope and power, I will have lost all of who I have built myself to be. I really will lose everything. Everythi...
hanging on by a thread that never seems to break in Journal
so, i have actually been hired on as a phone sex operator on phonestars.com and i am sure it is wonderful, but i swear i dont think i can do it. I have not actually longed on yet. i don’t feel le...
A little itch, I just can't scratch in Journal
there is this little itch that I just can’t seem to scratch.. I feel scared, lost, and vulnerable in this unpredictable and absolutely soul crushing world. One where our life can be taken at any ...
a bit of change in Journal
i am feeling like i need a bit of change/ i am lucky to have this job, it just fell into my lap, pretty much. I really like the part where i talk to patients for far longer than i should. I don’t...
i know the world says not to like you, but you feel so right. (there is a time and place for everything of course). my mind is numb until i taste you. i love myself when i drink. i respect myself...
something has to be wrong with me in Journal
I am depressed. I don’t know what the fuck to do. My life is always at a standstill. I am always broken. I have tried it all. the self care, the empowering thoughts, the affirmations. nothing cli...
I am not the same. in Journal
“I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass So, I realized that I don’t, can’t, an...
I don't want kid's anymore in Journal
For the longest time, I wanted children, and I seriously do love them, but today I babysat in what felt like forever, and I hated it! My nephew and my brothers little cousin was TOO MUCH to handl...
I guess I should write in Journal
after everything that has happened to me in this last month, it is fitting that I should write in my journal. A few things happened. I got an apartment, started my new job at the hospital, and I ...
figuring things out in Journal
so, i have filled out an application for the student apartments near me. they don’t have the best ratings, but i think i can get into them quickly. they are 625 a month for one roommate, and 505 ...
