These entries are for my mental health. This place is for me to feel free to rant as much as I want without feeling the pressure of editing my thoughts and opinions. A place to freely express myself and my interests after getting stuck in a very unhealthy cycle of writing and editing. I could not manage to finish thoughts or share them freely with others, both in real life and online. I was stuck in this process of writing and editing about topics that interest me for hours and hours- losing sleep and my mind it felt like. I would edit these writings and never share them as intended because they never seemed right… but then I realized it was more than that.

Masking is what brought me to that point- the point that I thought I was losing my mind. It is a horrible place to be when you don’t know how to express yourself because you don’t know who you are anymore. When you struggle to provide clarity, but can never feel like you are getting through to someone. Too much and too little all at once, every attempt at communicating became harder and harder. Writing was the way I use to cope with being understood better, but then it became a nightmare of endless drafts.

It started with monitoring myself more and giving up private journals. I finally reached out for help within a support group online and found solidarity and advice from people who have very much relatable experiences. They gave me insight that led me here. These entries are for me. While I don’t mind comments, I may not respond. I just need to get this out of my system and try to learn how to process my thoughts in a healthier way that I’m hoping will translate over to the real world. Here I am safe under a pen name. Here I can try and figure out how to heal.