hiii. 23 now. still figuring out how adult life works. i look at mom and wonder how she manages. her world is small but she says she’s happy. maybe that’s enough. i still wish she could see the world the way i do, but maybe we’re just different. still, i’m proud of her for opening up more now.

this year felt heavy. turning 23 made everything serious. i learned how it feels to love a man. something i didn’t think i could. it was new. but he lied. i’m better off alone.

dating feels impossible anyway. in this economy i can’t afford it. i’m always choosing between things i want, always compromising. i just want to be financially stable, enough to take a break and still treat my family without being broke. but i’m not disciplined with money yet.

i left my first job without a plan. bought a second-hand laptop and started again. applied for this new job—it felt like a board exam. i thought it would be easy but it wasn’t. still, i pushed through. i didn’t give up. i prayed. i prayed a lot. maybe the prayers weren’t answered before because they were meant for now.

it’s hard but i’m learning. i was the slowest trainee, tired, distracted, but i kept revising. despite being that trainee, i passed the final assessment and will be an employee this month :) my sister has a benign cyst. i just hope she’ll be okay. i hope we’ll all be okay.

i’m surrendering it all to god.