So many thoughts cross my mind—it has to be philosophical, it has to grab people’s attention, it has to be well-written. Should it be in the first person, or should I use a third-person narrator? But today, I think I’ll just write down my thoughts and see where they lead me. A bit like life itself, it’s uncertain—sometimes you get answers to your questions, other times you just have to let time reveal them.

But right now, I just feel like expressing what I’m feeling, right here, in this moment.
It’s a summer night in August. I’ve just taken a long, warm bath, and honestly, I feel a bit lost and lonely.
Those who know me might think, “How can you feel lonely when you live with your family, have a good social circle with a few but good friends, and, most importantly, are engaged (by my own choice—important to add as an immigrant in a Western country)?” But to be honest, it’s a feeling I’ve been carrying for a long time. When I think about it, I don’t even know if it’s loneliness or a sense of emptiness.
I miss the person I’m engaged to, and honestly, I’ve missed his voice. But right now, he’s dealing with tooth pain because of a lost front tooth (which has been temporarily replaced, so he’s not walking around without a front tooth). He was allowed to leave work early due to the pain, went home, and took a nap, but now he wants to go out and get some fresh air.
We haven’t talked in two or three days because I’ve had a guest staying over. So I thought tonight would be a good opportunity for us to talk. But he messaged me saying he wants to go out, and we might be able to talk later since he’s in pain and not in the mood to talk.
It’s funny that he mentioned it himself—he knows it would be the perfect time for us to talk.
When I’m sick, I just want to talk to him, but maybe not everyone feels that way.
Oh, and I should probably mention that he lives in Norway, and it’s a long-distance relationship. So our “talking time” is actually a pretty important part of our relationship, but I think he has a bit of trouble understanding that premise.
I don’t doubt that he loves me or that I mean a lot to him, but I just think he forgets that I can’t read his mind, and I actually need that “care/love.” But it’s not something I want to share with him right now, given his tooth pain and all, but don’t worry—I usually share what’s on my mind.

I’ve always dreamed of writing down my thoughts. I’ve always dreamed of writing a book, and I’ve always had this feeling that it would somehow gain recognition, though don’t ask me why—I just feel like I’ve always had deep thoughts and that my view of the world is quite interesting. And that my journey in life, and my understanding of myself and others, is interesting. It could be a feeling or thoughts that many people have about themselves, and it’s precisely that reflection we see in each other that I want to explore a bit more.

I’ll just wrap up by saying it’s Saturday night. :)